11 Reasons Hippos Are The Most Awesome Animals Of All Time

Spoiler alert: they’re actually pretty terrifying when they want to be.

1. First of all, they’re really cute when they’re babies.

Like, really cute.

Really though. That’s a very cute baby.

Here’s one more pic if you don’t believe me.

2. And then, when they’re older, they have an awesome habit of wearing turtles as hats.

That’s an exceptional hat right there.

3. It should also be noted that hippos are really good at photobombing.

4. And they’ll beat you any day in a staring contest.

5. And they’re exceptional at farting. Just try to out-fart a hippo. You will fail.

6. Also, hippos are so awesome that they secrete two unique acids on their skin. They keep bacteria from growing on them, and they prevent sunburns.

They also turn hippo milk pink. That’s what is in the photo. PINK MILK.

7. Hippos are so badass that the Colombian cocaine king Pablo Escobar had a zoo with some. They were left upon his death in 1993. In 2006 three hippos broke out of the zoo, terrorizing Colombian crops and neighborhoods. One named Pepe was killed in 2009.

Poor Pepe.

People were outraged over Pepe’s death and wanted to stop officials from killing his mate, Matilda, and their baby who was cruising around Colombia with her.

But here’s the best part of Pepe’s death: all of this stuff was found inside him! LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF.

8. But Pepe’s not the only hippo that likes to munch on stuff. Hippos also like to attack HUMANS. And just look at those TEETH.

I’m not kidding. They’re one of the deadliest animals in Africa for humans, second only to the mosquito. And, apparently, they kill circus performers.

See this guy? He knows not to mess with the hippo.

And this dude right here? He got SWALLOWED by a hippo, and miraculously lived to tell the tale.

This is what he said about it: “I reached over [to the fellow tour guide] but as our fingers were about to touch, I was engulfed in darkness. There was no transition at all, no sense of approaching danger. It was as if I had suddenly gone blind and deaf.

“Hippos’ mouths have huge tusks, slicing incisors and a bunch of smaller chewing teeth. It felt as if the bull was making full use of the whole lot as he mauled me – a doctor later counted almost 40 puncture wounds and bite marks on my body. The bull simply went berserk, throwing me into the air and catching me again, shaking me like a dog with a doll.”

I repeat: “throwing me into the air and catching me again, shaking me like a dog with a doll.”

WHAT.

WHAT.

WHAT.

9. Freaking out a little bit? Here’s a baby hippo taking a bath to calm your nerves.

And here’s a snuggly baby pygmy hippo.

10. And here’s some cute hippos going for a swim. Calmed down yet? Ready for the last reason why hippos are awesome?

11. Here it is: THIS SITE.

Without hippos being awesome this site wouldn’t exist. So click away and enjoy the sweet melody of the hippo song.

Lyrics: “Hippo, hippo, hippo, hippo, hippo, hippo, hippo.”

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