Pshhh, he’s not immortal, he’s just Happa. Everyone knows the perfect combination of half white, half asian makes you impervious to aging. That and pearl cream, and a constant diet of sushi.

As a guy, Stephanie Meyer’s has RUINED my life. Now whenever I go out, the girl wants me to run up a tree or fly or hold myself back from humping her. CURSES YOU TWILIGHT!!!!

I’m calling the first G-Thrust related death within the next 6 months. Mark my words!! You so know it’s going to end up looking like this

When I heard “McCain” and “Boobies” I assumed I’d find this. How rarely the interwebs surprises me.

It all starts with letting former child stars get breast reductions (I’m looking at you Punky Brewster!!). Next thing you know, they’re going to outlaw sleep if you have perfectly acceptable breasts!!