1. You're that person who shows up at various non-restaurant locations with a bag of Chipotle, thus making everyone hate you.
2. You honor the first rule of Chipotle: don’t even mention the place after 10 - it’s closed.* That's cruel.
3. You have taken a first date - and a second date - well, most dates - to Chipotle.
4. You know everything on the Chipotle soundtrack and it haunts your dreams.
View this video on YouTube
5. You aren't afraid to ask politely when you'd like some more meat.
6. A friend tells you they don’t wanna go because they “just had Chipotle yesterday” and suddenly they aren’t your friend anymore.
7. Your idea of “missionary position” is explaining to the unwashed masses that there is no affiliation with McDonalds.
Not anymore, that is. McD's divested in 2006 and made Chipotle a free man.
8. Hearing someone say “Chi-pol-tay” is akin to being called an ethnic slur.
9. When things aren't too busy, you love to sneak in a heart-to-heart with the manager by the cash register.
10. ...and that friendship has led you to something better than any christmas gift - a free lunch.
11. You are thrilled to recognize when the seasoned "A-team" of line workers come out to take care of business.
12. 2 for 1 deals doesn't mean “I'm bringing a friend’, it means "watch me eat two burritos”.
13. You can readily cite the amount of burritos you eat in a month (and a moving average).
14. You are a proud shareholder of CMG.
15. It's getting in the way of your close relationships.
16. You spend your 21st birthday downing margaritas at a Chipotle.
17. You’re excited to travel to different cities where Chipotle costs less than back home (I’m sure your rent is high in NY but not $8.50-a-burrito high, come on).
18. You remember a time when a Burrito bowl was, for some reason, called a “Burrito Bol”.
19. You know how to pull the "One Taco" trick when you're not all that hungry.
20. You’ve applied for work at Chipotle and the most difficult part was not sounding like a stalker.
21. There is no rewards card to earn and you can’t f**# ^&@* handle it.
22. You know the subtle differences in taste and seasoning throughout the regions of the USA
23. You have been to the alternate universe that is the Chipotle prototype store, NY.
24. You are these parents.
25. You put the vinaigrette salad dressing on every dish because it's free and because YOLO that's why.
26. You know that Chipotle is BYOB, you have BYO’d, and bonus points for pairing the proper wines with the right burrito meat.
27. You road tripped to DC or LA just to be first in line at their expansion, ShopHouse. Twice.
28. And you have flown in to Dulles just to try a breakfast burrito.
29. You respect the sanctity of the water cup and shun those who defile it with free soda.
30. You’ve done Boorito, Adventurrito, Farm Team...and are patiently awaiting your next big challenge.
31. "Hey guacamole is extra" --
32. You're DJ Carnage, which means things like this happen to you:
View this video on YouTube
See above.
33. You’ve read (or written) the word Chipotle a few times and suddenly, as if part of some behavioral experiment, you have a bloodthirst for a burrito.
Author’s note: if it is after 10pm wherever you are then I am truly, deeply sorry
