1. The Colts Trooper represents the proud city of Indianapolis.
In his experience, there is such a thing as Luck.
2. The Steel City Stormtrooper took Pittsburgh’s nickname as his own.
That’s no moon — it’s a Steel Curtain.
3. There’s a Panthers Trooper in the Carolinas…
The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of Cam Newton.
4. …and a Lions Trooper in Detroit.
Rod Marinelli is gone and General Motors is alive.
5. The Houston Texans even have two!
The possibility of successfully navigating past J.J. Watt? 3,720 to 1.
6. The Giants Trooper is friendly with the fans.
“And these passes…too accurate for a Jets quarterback. Only Eli Manning is so precise.”
7. And the Bengals Trooper never abandons his post.
(Unlike TK-421, who probably plays for Cleveland or something.)
Unless Cincinnati wins, of course.
At least they don’t have that Ewok celebration song in Ohio.
8. Buffalo doesn’t have any stormtroopers, but it does have Boba Fett.
9. New Orleans is also home to the legendary bounty hunter.
[Insert Gregg Williams joke.]
10. Out west, the Seahawks even bring a Wookiee to their games.
The Pacific Northwest looks just like Kashyyyk too.
11. Miami tapped into the dark side of the Force with “Dolph” Vader.
Not many teams have a Sith Lord for a fan!
“Together, we shall rule the galaxy as Shula and Marino!”
(The Patriots have one as a coach, though.)
“Oh, I’m afraid Rob Gronkowski will be quite operational when your friends arrive…”
12. New Orleans has its own Sith Lord too: Darth Saint.
“At last we will reveal ourselves to the Falcons. At last we will have revenge.”
Without all the make-up, he’s not so bad…
…but the final result is truly terrifying.
Roger Goodell’s worst nightmare.