1. This is NOT an okay way to make friends on the commute to work.
2. It’s one thing to be the toucher, it’s a horrible thing to be the touchee.
3. When people look up to you and find this greeting to be an appropriate one to choose from.
“That’s my hand you’re kissing, not a human popsicle.”
4. “For the last time, I do not want to pull your finger!”
6. “Is it just me or is your hand getting warmer and warmer?”
10. This shoulder is reserved for friends who DON’T try to touch me with every chance they get.
11. When somebody who regularly eats with their hands touches your shoulder.
12. “I am NOT being TOO SENSITIVE!”
15. “I didn’t get a new haircut to be your personal Chia Pet.”
16. If I have food on my face, don’t invade my face with your grubby hands.
17. When your friend somehow mistakes your knee for their knee.
“When did you realize that your own knee wasn’t feeling your gentle caress?”