The 6 Things You'll Regret Doing Over Summer Vacation

Summer is all about having unrealistically high expectations.

With summer vacation right around the corner, students and non-students alike are deciding what the best use of their time and money this summer will be. While there are many great things to do over the summer, there are a few things that are overhyped and not as fun as they sound. Here's a list of the things you should probably avoid doing over the summer but will do and regret anyway because you have no better use of your time.

Sure, it sounded like a good idea at first to take a road trip halfway across the country in your buddy’s car with no air conditioning. Sitting in the back middle sure is uncomfortable, but hey, you’re going to see a band that your friend really likes that you got into last week to justify paying for a $200 outdoor concert! And I know what you’re thinking “there’ll be girls there too!” I’ll stop you there. Have you ever tried picking up a girl while ringing the sweat out of your shirt in 100-degree weather? It’s not easy, trust me, I’ve been there. And unless you have a thirst for $7 water, I’d sit this one out.

None of you were ever in scouts, none of you know how to cook on a camping grill, and none of you know how to properly set up a tent. However, you do know how to get really drunk and make a big and uncontrollable fire. And that’s all there is to camping, right? Also you’re at a campsite two hours away from your homes with limited cell phone reception, what could possible go wrong? I’d like to refer to Murphy’s law that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, such as forgetting to tie your food up in a tree so that bears won’t get to it, running out of lighter fluid and matches because you wannabe pyros used it up last night in your attempt to burn down the forest, and that couple you’re friends with getting into a huge argument during the trip making it super awkward for everyone. The best you can hope for is that they’ll resolve their differences in the form of extremely loud make up sex in the tent right beside you. Do yourself a favor, just get drunk and eat pop-tarts around a bonfire in one of your backyards, it’s essentially the same experience.

“Hey!” You may be thinking, “I’m related to the person who runs this lumber yard/landscaping company or other manual-labor related business! I’ll get all the perks with none of the work!” No… no you won’t. Your dad/uncle is elsewhere doing all the paperwork and business while his less-than-kind dick of a manager yells at you to work better and faster. You didn’t know it was possible to go through three tins of citrus Skoal in a day until you met this man. And yes, he does have one damn fine lookin’ handlebar mustache, but that doesn’t make up for all the times you’ve accidently stepped in his chewing tobacca’ spit. Take my advice and find a real job, may I suggest a full time job?

I take that back, full time jobs are only good if you want to lose both your soul and all your free time at the same time. Let’s face it, the money you make is good, but if you have no time to spend it, is there really a point to even having it? All your friends will be saying “Hey, we’re about to do x or y. Wanna join?” And you’ll have to say no because you have work. You have the rest of your life to work at a job you hate that eats away at your time and soul. You might as well do stupid shit with your friends while it’s still socially acceptable to be living in your parent’s house.

Before you tell yourself that taking an online course over the summer can help boost your GPA since you’d only have one course to concentrate on, I’ll stop you there, because it won’t. Think about it. You barely went to class even when you had TA’s and professors judging your absence. Imagine having NO pressure to get up in the morning to watch online lectures. “I have all summer,” you’ll say “I can just watch them later!” Lies, lies and more lies. You might think that taking online calculus over the summer will be ‘smart’, but trust me this will only prepare you for when you inevitably have to take it again in the fall.

So you had all year to take full advantage of the free gym at your school, and now you tell yourself you’re gonna get in shape when you actually have to pay for it? This already sounds like a bad idea in the making. First off, you need to deal with the pushy, arrogant salesperson that will sell you more that you initially bargained for. They also signed you up for their yoga classes you say? That’ll just add to the long list of things you tried once, hated and never did again, like hiking, guitar and cross-country skiing. Cross-country skiing does suck though. If you really want to lose weight over the summer, you don’t have to go to the gym, just cut the daily hot pocket consumption down from five to maybe one or two. You’ll be able to see your toes again in no time!