38 Problems Only People From Hawaii Will Understand

Just because it’s paradise doesn’t mean every day is a walk on the beach!

1. There are some days where it’s so cold you just have to put on a shirt.

“It’s 70 degrees! I’m gonna get frostbite!!!”

2. Always forgetting to use your kama‘aina discount.

I mean, do places locals really go even take kama‘aina discounts?

3. You don’t know who your cousins are and who your actual cousins are.

Everyone’s your cousin!

This, of course, includes all your aunties.

Your bus driver. Your bank teller. Your next door neighbor’s neighbor’s neighbor. Everyone’s your auntie!

4. That overwhelming urge to defend the miracle that is SPAM.

Blasphemy! Spam musubis are a religion.

5. Giving/getting directions is always an adventure.

“OK, you wanna go mauka, and when you get to the third mango tree make a left, you’ll see one waterfall on your right hand side, just keep going. When you get to the menehune at the U-turn, he’ll ask you three questions…”

6. When shipping costs more than the total cost of the item you’re shipping.

7. Baked vs. steamed.

You can’t make me decide.

8. Shave ice vs. your indecisiveness.

SERIOUSLY, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DECIDE.

9. If it doesn’t have rice, then it’s not a real meal.

These are the rules.

10. When you haven’t been to the beach since yesterday…

11. …and then can’t decide which beach to go to.

OK, fine, take it back… We got 99 problems and a beach ain’t one.

12. That said, it is kind of hard to enjoy all of Hawaii’s natural breathtaking beauty…

…when you’re trapped in this all day.

Because Honolulu has the second worst traffic in the country, just after L.A. The average driver here wastes 50 hours in gridlock a year. That’s over a week’s worth of surfing.

13. Not to mention gas already costs an arm and a leg and your firstborn keiki.

14. When you can enter to win a free, seven-day, all expenses paid, VIP, luxury vacation for two to……………………………………….…….……….……..Hawaii.

15. It can be off the air everywhere else, but here every week is “Shark Week.”

16. When you have to call these guys for something…

17. There’s no civilized way to eat a malasada…

…or a coco puff.

Don’t even try. It’s physically and emotionally impossible!

18. Anyone dressed in head-to-toe Jeans Warehouse.

This isn’t just a problem. It’s a fashion emergency!

19. The name of this product.

So, wait, wait, wait, wait… You put this where?!?!

20. When one of these melts in your pocket.

21. That one Nicki Minaj verse.

Because you can’t be “in the islands of Waikiki,” Nicki.

22. Your throat will start tightening up and you’ll begin salivating in 3, 2, 1…

23. These stairs are safe, right?

24. That Google Maps doesn’t have an “Avoid Potholes” option.

Because sometimes there’s a road in our potholes.

25. Your favorite band will NEVER tour here. Ever.

Just accept it.

26. When Obama won the presidency, you had to force yourself to be happy for someone from Punahou for the first time ever.

Yuri Gripas / Reuters

It was a struggle.

27. You’re not sure who to trust: Dan Cooke or Guy Hagi?

Via Jayson Tanega / Hawaii News Now

Not that it really matters…

It’s not like the weather ever really changes anyway.

28. This thing called “Hawaiian” pizza.

Are we still calling it that? OK, just checking…

29. You’ve gotten into serious debates over which Zippy’s is the best Zippy’s.

Foolproof BFF test: If they don’t know your Zippy’s order by heart, then they are NOT your BFF. No exceptions!

30. Your legit ID always gets a harder look on the mainland.

Mahalo, Superbad.

31. This question on Yahoo! Answers.

And let’s not forget the classics like, “Do you still live in grass shacks?” and “What about electricity?”

FUN FACT: ʻIolani Palace had electricity and telephones before the White House did!

Also, yes, you can use U.S. currency here, and no, you don’t need your U.S. passport and power adaptors when you visit.

32. When someone uses “Hawaiian” the same way they’d use “Californian” or “New Yorker.”

Yeah, that’s not going to work…

Dennis Oda / DODA@STARADVERTISER.COM

BECAUSE HAWAIIAN IS A RACE.

33. When someone corrects the way you pronounce “karaoke” and “karate.”

Sigh, we’re just saying it right.

34. Or you’re told you pronounce “Hawai‘i” funny.

Again, not “funny,” just right. We live here. WE WOULD KNOW.

35. But wait, honestly, though – do we really have an accent?

Apparently we do say some words like “button” and “candy” kind of weird or something?

36. Even though your shoes don’t have laces, leaving anybody’s house is going to take an extra minute.

And for the last time…

37. THEY’RE CALLED SLIPPERS.

38. However, the biggest problem is taking it all for granted because…

Chee hoo!

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