1.
Trying to stop your toddler eating the pebbles on Brighton beach.
2.
Spending two hours at Westow’s and finally understanding how the Apocalypse Now guy felt.
3.
Wanting to do this to those hippy parents that let their kids run amok in Brighton library.
4.
But remembering that acceptance is the whole point of living in Brighton.
5.
And instead inwardly cheering when your kid trips one of the little brats up.
6.
Trying to keep babies out of the dope fumes during summer festival season.
7.
Realising that there are 25 million kids in the city, and roughly three schools.
8.
Being far more enthusiastic about the Children’s Parade than your actual children are.
9.
Trying to explain the finer points of gay pride to a three-year-old.
10.
Enduring the daily fight for the much-coveted red swing down Stoneham Park.
11.
Spending a morning being dragged up and down the stairs at Brighton library… again.
12.
Followed by an afternoon repeating the process over in Hove library.
13.
Realising that all the best-dressed MILFs and DILFs live in Hove.
14.
Feeling intensely embarrassed when you forget the words to "Wheels On The Bus” at Baby Boogie.
15.
Riding a poonami in the toilets at Churchill Square.
16.
Pretending you make healthy family dinners from that organic veg box you have delivered, but secretly shopping at Aldi.
17.
Coming to the realisation that your kids won’t be able to afford to live here.
18.
Because hey, even you can barely manage it these days.
19.
Knowing that after a childhood spent in Brighton, the rest of your kids' lives may be a bit, well, dull.
