The 7 Best Tablets

Ordered by bestness. This list is indisputable.

At this point in the game, a tablet is a tablet is a tablet. The scale of the differences between them is small, and it gets smaller all the time. Some are more expensive; some have better software. But if I were going to tell somebody else which tablet to buy, this is roughly the order I'd consider them in for 99 percent of all human beings.

1. iPad mini

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Are you a person? iPad mini.

2. iPad (4th generation)

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Are you a particular kind of person, the kind of person who thinks they will "create content" on a tablet? iPad Big.

3. Amazon Kindle Fire HD 7 (Tie)

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Tiebreaker: Are you over the age of thirty six? Kindle Fire HD 7.

3. Nexus 7 (Tie)

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Tiebreaker: Do you have a smartphone? Do you know how to use it? Nexus 7.

(You could also probably just stop here.)

4. Kindle Fire HD 8.9

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Are you over the age of thirty six? And blind? Kindle Fire HD 8.9.

5. Nexus 10

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Do you think most Apple parodies on the internet are funny? Nexus 10.

(This is perhaps the only good Apple parody on the entire internet.)

6. Microsoft Surface

David Mcnew / Reuters

Do you believe in miracles and appreciate innovations in typing? Would you like to bet $600 on that belief? Microsoft Surface.