28 Reasons Why Kids Ruin Christmas

‘Tis the season to get your festering little monster a giant lump of coal.

We already know kids are stupid and the worst.

This is a well-established fact.

But guess what?

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Kids around Christmastime are ESPECIALLY AWFUL.

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1. First of all, they have NO SENSE OF WHAT TO ASK SANTA FOR.

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2. Then when they get their shit, THEY SCREAM.

3. They’re literally possessed.

4. They’re evil demons around presents.

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5. Careless, evil demons.

6. They become EMPOWERED around Christmas.

7. They get in the way of literally everything.

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8. They don’t help hang decorations when you’re obviously in peril.

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9. Oh, you’re cutting down the tree? LET ME GET IN THE WAY.

10. Oh, you’re setting up the tree? LET ME GET IN THE WAY.

11. Oh, you set up the tree?! LET ME GET IN THE WAY.

12. ALWAYS. IN. THE. WAY.

13. Also, they HATE SANTA.

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14. Like *HATE* him.

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15. They suck the joy out of every Christmas occasion.

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16. Every Christmas picture is basically this.

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17. Or this.

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18. They’re afraid of friendly snowmen.

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19. They are functionally USELESS.

20. DEPRESSING. TINY. GRINCHES.

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21. Hateful little trolls.

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22. Small, joyless animals.

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23. Living, breathing lumps of coal.

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24. They get all up in your way when you’re trying to shop.

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25. They’re weird.

26. And stupid.

27. And they can’t walk in the snow.

28. And they’re the worst.

Congratulations, kids. You’re the reason Santa drinks.

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