14 Things You Say To Make It Sound Like You Have Your Life Together

But really you’re just applying to entry-level jobs in your underwear like the rest of us.

1. What you say: Post-grad? Yeah, I’m considering a couple of options!

What you mean: I’m crying in the shower every morning praying someone will answer my job inquiry emails.

Fox / Via tumblr.com

2. What you say: I had a promising interview last week, so we’ll see!

What you mean: I had a panic attack outside the building for 10 minutes before my interview. Also I got a blister from the new shoes I squeezed myself into.

CBS / Via pandawhale.com

3. What you say: I’m moving to Manhattan!

What you mean: I’m living in some guy’s basement who may or may not be a serial killer but he lives in Manhattan and seemed somewhat reputable in his Craigslist posting!

Lions Gate Films / Via theguardian.com

4. What you say: I’m keeping an open mind about my options.

What you mean: I literally will do any job that anyone will pay me any amount of money for/trade me food as payment.

5. What you say: I love my new apartment! Living alone makes me feel so independent.

What you mean: I still haven’t hung up my curtains, I forgot to pay my cable bill last month, but I like being able to eat cold Chinese food in my underwear without anyone judging me.

6. What you say: I got approved for my first credit card!

What you mean: This will most likely be my downfall.

Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com

7. What you say: I just think moving back in with my parents is smart financially, in the long run.

What you mean: I got wine drunk and cried on the phone with my Mom about how I have no future and packed up and moved into my parents’ basement the next morning.

ABC / Via gurl.com

8. What you say: The benefits at my new job are great, especially the company’s 401k savings plan!

What you mean: I am literally Googling what a 401k is right now AND I STILL DON’T GET IT.

9. What you say: I’m super excited about grad school, thanks for asking!

What you mean: Sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking about my student loans.

NBC / Via uproxx.com

10. What you say: I read “The New York Times” every day.

What you mean: I follow @nytimes on Twitter and retweet them when I don’t have anything original or witty to say.

11. What you say: An unpaid internship? Well, it’s the experience that matters, right?

What you mean:

NBC / Via wifflegif.com

12. What you say: Phone interviews are nice.

What you mean: I suffer from crippling anxiety just ordering a pizza over the phone.

13. What you say: Networking events are so useful and fun!

What you mean: The last networking event I attended I pit-sweated through my suit and rehearsed small talk and my “casual carefree laughing” face in my bathroom mirror all morning.

14. What you say: I’m excited to graduate from college and start this next stage of my life!

What you mean: ONLY 39 DAYS LEFT?! THAT’S ALL UNTIL I LEAVE THIS SAFE SHELTERED PERFECT PLACE WHERE I CAN GO OUT ON A TUESDAY NIGHT AND NO ONE JUDGES ME?!? WHY.

DreamWorks Pictures / Via mashable.com

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