Black Friday, Black Shmiday: 8 Things To Do While The Rest Of America Is Poppin’ Tags And Taking Names

Buckling under the pressure to make Black Friday a bargain-filled triumph? If ever there were a day to buck the trend, refuse to drink the crass consumerist Kool-Aid, and avoid an untimely death by a stampede of tablet-hungry shoppers, Black Friday is the day. Here are some awesome ways to spend November 23rd that have nothing to do with simultaneously fighting for a flatscreen TV and your life.

1. Recover

If you take seriously the Thanksgiving ethos of gorging gavage-style, chances are your digestive system will need time to recover. If such is your plight, take advantage of Black Friday to just lay around while your body decides how to best distribute the onslaught of calories you’ve ingested.

2. Get Off Your Ass

Once you’ve fully emerged from residual food coma malaise, it’s time to reassure your body that help is on the way! How else will you recover quickly enough to enjoy Thanksgiving dividends? Which brings us to…

3. LEFTOVERS GONE WILD

While the rest of America dukes it out in parking lots and check-out aisles, you have the fantastic fortune of FIRST DIBS on the refrigerator booty.

Love the crispy edge of the mac ‘n cheese? Go for it.

Struck by an urge to scrape the marshmallows off the sweet potatoes? DO IT. No one is watching.

Itching to stir up a questionable concoction of everything in the fridge and eat it with a spoon? The pleasure is all yours.

So much yum, you can’t possibly go wrong.*

*Best to keep sweet and savory reasonably distinct. Also, for good karma’s sake, leave some for Mom.

i.chzbgr.com / Via http://cheezburger.com

4. Chillax with Sentient Beings

wordpress.com / Via http://bewilderedmother.wordpress.com

Thanksgiving, at its core, is about friends and family coming together to break bread and give thanks. But between brining the turkey 39 times and diffusing family feuds, not a whole lot of loving always gets accomplished.

So instead of shopping, consider these quaint pastimes: look at each other, say some things, and if you’re really ambitious, play some Bananagrams.

Monday will come soon enough, and you can retreat once again into your cushy isolation chamber of buttons and screens.

5. Flee the Concrete Jungle

Real camping doesn’t happen at Walmart. Nothing says anti-Black Friday like a jaunt in the actual wilderness, where the scenery is free and there isn’t a crowd in sight.

6. Rake in the Dough

One man’s parenting nightmare is another’s money-making dream. With moms and dads in the Christmas shopping trenches, Black Friday is an awesome day for non-shoppers to bust out the childcare chops.

BONUS: Leftover turkey makes quick work of nap time. Tryptophan FTW.

7. Get Crafty

Gift season is fast approaching, so what better way to spend a lazy, bloated, work-free Friday than on the couch with some craft supplies? By the time the Black Friday bargains are long gone, you could have an army of superhero salt and pepper shakers. Seasoning to the rescue!

8. Enjoy the Silence

Soon enough, your relatives will return with rustling shopping bags, oversized electronic equipment, and war stories about the suburban Wild West of shopping malls and big box stores. But until then, revel in the satisfaction of your full belly, fully stocked fridge, and the contrarian self-righteousness of saying NO to our culture’s most shameless display of capitalist group-think.

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