1. New York City: Traffic is the 6 train being held up at Union Square during rush hour due to a sick passenger.
Now how else am I supposed to get uptown?
Los Angeles: Traffic is every freeway and every side street from Santa Monica to the San Gabriel Valley.
Better get some audiobooks.
2. New York City: Road trips are to New Jersey, Connecticut, Long Island, and D.C.
What exit on the NJ Turnpike or Garden State Parkway? The eternal question.
Los Angeles: Road trips are VEGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And San Francisco. But mostly VEGAS!!!!!!!!
3. New York City: The state of the beaches is…questionable.
This ain’t the Hamptons.
Los Angeles: You walk…after taking a short drive to a hiking trail.
But only Runyon Canyon if you absolutely have to.
5. New York City: Spring is that wonderful day when you can finally open your windows and go outside without a jacket.
6. New York City: Autumn is the crunch of the leaves beneath your feet.
Check out that foliage.
7. New York City: Summer is HOT, HUMID, and GROSS.
Put that A/C on Power Ranger.
8. New York City: Winter is cold, but festive.
Make sure you bring your gloves.
Los Angeles: 58 and sunny
You might need a heavier jacket. Might.
Los Angeles: Rain?!? WATER IS FALLING FROM THE SKY WHY???
10. New York City: You spend more than you’d like to admit on MetroCards.
Swipe again, please.
Los Angeles: Gas. So much money spent on gas.
12. New York City: What’s that smell? Probably urine.
Occasionally, it’s maple syrup.
13. New York City: You bond over your hatred of the MTA.
14. New York City: You’re not quite sure how to say…
It’s “Kah-She-Yoo-Sko.” Supposedly.
Los Angeles: You’re not quite sure how to say…
And how you say it says a lot about you.
16. New York City: You can’t go wrong with….
A slice of heaven.
Los Angeles: You can’t go wrong with…
That’s what a hamburger’s all about.