1. New York City: Traffic is the 6 train being held up at Union Square during rush hour due to a sick passenger.
Now how else am I supposed to get uptown?
Los Angeles: Traffic is every freeway and every side street from Santa Monica to the San Gabriel Valley.
Better get some audiobooks.
2. New York City: Road trips are to New Jersey, Connecticut, Long Island, and D.C.
What exit on the NJ Turnpike or Garden State Parkway? The eternal question.
Los Angeles: Road trips are VEGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And San Francisco. But mostly VEGAS!!!!!!!!
3. New York City: The state of the beaches is…questionable.
This ain’t the Hamptons.
Los Angeles: You walk…after taking a short drive to a hiking trail.
But only Runyon Canyon if you absolutely have to.
5. New York City: Spring is that wonderful day when you can finally open your windows and go outside without a jacket.
6. New York City: Autumn is the crunch of the leaves beneath your feet.
Check out that foliage.
7. New York City: Summer is HOT, HUMID, and GROSS.
Put that A/C on Power Ranger.
8. New York City: Winter is cold, but festive.
Make sure you bring your gloves.
Los Angeles: 58 and sunny
You might need a heavier jacket. Might.
Los Angeles: Rain?!? WATER IS FALLING FROM THE SKY WHY???
10. New York City: You spend more than you’d like to admit on MetroCards.
Swipe again, please.
Los Angeles: Gas. So much money spent on gas.
12. New York City: What’s that smell? Probably urine.
Occasionally, it’s maple syrup.
13. New York City: You bond over your hatred of the MTA.
14. New York City: You’re not quite sure how to say…
It’s “Kah-She-Yoo-Sko.” Supposedly.
Los Angeles: You’re not quite sure how to say…
And how you say it says a lot about you.
16. New York City: You can’t go wrong with….
A slice of heaven.
Los Angeles: You can’t go wrong with…
That’s what a hamburger’s all about.
- Mullah Omar — leader of the Taliban — has died, according to multiple reports. The Taliban has not responded to the reports.
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken. The release aims to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- Michel Platini, the current UEFA president, will be a candidate in the 2016 FIFA election to replace Sepp Blatter ⚽️