The Voice Of God All-Stars

Who would you most want narrating your life? A proposed 12-person rotation (in honor of the NBA Finals) for the Voice of God All-Stars. NOTE: All members of the list are living.

End of the Bench

2. Tay Zonday

Best Contribution: “Chocolate Rain”

The token viral video star of this list. (Close runner-up: Ted Williams, aka “The Homeless Man with the Golden Voice.”)

3. Linda Hunt

Best Contribution: “FedEx/The Golden Package”

Has express mail ever sounded so enchanting?

Second Team

5. Peter Coyote

Best Contribution: Ken Burns’ The National Parks

Coyote should have a monopoly on discussing anything about nature. Great voice for stories around the camp fire.

6. Sam Elliott

Best Contribution: “The Stranger” in The Big Lebowski

“Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar eats you.”

7. Jeremy Irons

Best Contribution: Scar in The Lion King

Shakespeare-trained actors always make the best villains, don’t they?

8. Michael Buffer

Best Contribution: “Let’s get ready to rumble!!!”

‘Nuff said.

9. Patrick Stewart

Best Contribution: Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation

Even amidst all the technobabble aboard the Enterprise, he never lost his penchant for Earl Grey tea.

Starting Five

11. Ian McShane

Best Contribution: Al Swearengen in Deadwood (starts at 0:40 mark)

It feels like I’m sipping on three X’s whiskey whenever I hear him talk.

12. Peter O’Toole

Best Contribution: Anton Ego in Ratatouille

He’ll always be T.E. Lawrence first and foremost, but it’s in a Pixar flick where his vocal chops are on full display.

13. Keith David

Best Contribution: Ken Burns’ Jazz (starts at 2:10 mark)

Jazz is cool to begin with. Keith David makes it even cooler.

14. Morgan Freeman

Best Contribution: Red in The Shawshank Redemption

I wish that I could interview for jobs like this.

15. James Earl Jones

Best Contribution: Everything

It doesn’t matter if it’s Star Wars, Coming to America or Shakespeare. It’ll sound like heaven.

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