11 Reasons The World Is A Safer Place Without SkyMall

We all know there is no better way to pass the time on a flight than looking through the SkyMall catalog. And hey, no mere mortal could ever flip through those pages without finding at least one desirable useless gadget. But these items are menaces to society, and must die with SkyMall. R.I.P.

1. Giant Gorilla Monstrosity

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

Cost: 4.5 THOUSAND DOLLARS.

Nightmares: Forever.

What exactly is that girl in the back standing on?

2. Somehow-More-Terrifying-Than-The-Real-Thing Squirrel Mount

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

Since when do squirrels look that malicious? And why does it look like he has human arms and fingers?! What kind of beast is this even?

3. Handbag That Is ALWAYS WATCHING

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

Nice try, big brother. But I see what you're doing here. A purse that blinks when you move? I don't think you guys need any extra help spying from us mere civilians.

4. Ulta-Furby

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

As if it wasn't scary enough being awoken in the night by the sound of the Furby you made sure to stash under your bed, this cat not only talks but mimics. I don't need your sass, Tomcat.

5. Not-A-Bane Halloween Costume

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

Excuse me but living in real life Gotham is scary enough without standing next to a guy in a Bane mask breathing aggressively on the subway.

6. Grotesque Remote Controlled Monster

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

Is this some kind of mean prank gift? Spiders are hell spawn and THE LEGS MOVE AS IF INDEPENDENT FROM THE BODY. (Extra points if you got the reference.)

7. Unsanitary Cup Holder

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

Have you grown tired of holding your drink yourself? Allow this rat with armor to do it for you. Nothing about this feels safe or clean.

8. Mean Mug Piggy Bank

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

It feels like this would be watching you at all times: while you sleep, while you change, the works. Also feels a touch racist.

9. Are Those Devil Horns On A Tree?

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

Are we living in the twisted world of Hansel and Gretel? Why do you want me to stay off your property that badly, grandpa? I'm concerned about what you're hiding if you need to employ this kind of terror on innocent woodland travelers.

10. Actual Skull of Satan

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

Did the skull really need a tongue? That doesn't even make sense, scientifically. If you have some kind of obsession with death can't you just get a regulation skull? This seems excessive, emo/punk teen who wants this for their room.

11. Some Things Should Only Be Made For Children

SkyMall / Via skymall.com

No no no no no. Look at your life, look at your choices. Is that beard even real, sir?