mark this as my weekly "time warner cable sucks" tweet
3. Their neighbors.
How can two people be so loud and horrible…
4. How long you have to live in New York City to count as a New Yorker.
It’s five years.*
They’re the worst until you have to send a text and end up walking just as slow as them. Oops.
6. How much the city sucks in the winter.
How is it still winter?! Will it ever end?!
7. How much the city sucks in the Summer.
So hot. So smelly. So packed. So. No. Help.
8. How much the city sucks when it rains.
Nooooo I’m meltinggggg.
9. How much their rent is.
“I got a great deal! It was only $2,500 for 300 square feet.”
It’s like Manhattan. But cooler and also worse.
11. Where to get cheap beer.
$2 PBR. Yes please.
12. Time Warner.
14. How horrible dating is.
It’s like all the horrible single people in the world moved to New York and want to hang with ya.
15. How much they want to get a dog.
Dogs for everyone!!
16. How they never want to move to the suburbs…
Suburbs are for squares.
17. …Alternatively how soon they want to move to the suburbs.
Maybe I’m a square?
18. Seeing celebrities but not making a big deal about it.
Oh cool. Whatever. **internally screams**
“I worked until 10pm” “Whatever I worked until 11:30, hired an Uber to go home and shower and then went back to work.”
20. The gym.
To get a membership or not, that is the question.
Do you have any? Can I have some? How many is too many? Give me now.
22. Expensive salads.
Urgh, $12 is sooo much but also sooo yummy.
23. Wanting to move out of New York.
Why the fuck do we live here when we could live literally anywhere else?!
24. But then remembering how much better New York is than every other city.
Oh right, because everywhere else sucks and New York is the best and everyone that doesn’t live here is insane.