24 Pieces Of Sports Team Merch That Women Never Wanted

How about we don’t shrink it and pink it. I’ll take a jersey that actually fits though! posted on

1. This 2-pack of sexy Patriots thongs. - $30

The website says the following about this gem: “You have shirts and jackets that tell the world of your New England devotion. Now it’s time to treat yourself to some team spirit that’s just for you with this 2-pack of Keynote knit thongs.”

2. These “Groupie” wedge Mets shoes. - $94.95

“Sometimes it seems nearly impossible to match your Mets pride with your incredible style. These Groupie II wedges from Cuce Shoes make sure you stay at the top of your game in both fanaticism and fashion. The interior leopard print pattern and the luxurious velvet feel ensure that you stay classy.” Ya serious?

3. These fancy nail tattoos. - $1.95

“Let your Wizards pride show all the way to your fingertips with these temporary team logo nail tattoos!”

4. These sexy sequined Jets Uggs. - $34.95

“With allover sequin accents and embroidered Jets logo appliques, these boots will make your outfit shine with pride. Plus, they have a Sherpa lining to keep your feet warm, so you can stay focused on sporting the cutest NY style at the game!”

5. This awkward two-in-one Nets bikini top. - $49.95

 

“The Beach Boys may want everyone to go surfing, but a Nets fanatic like you makes sure to spend her time at Barclays Center!”

6. This warm weather necklace being sold to NHL Anaheim Ducks fans. - $24.95

“The nuts on this lei have been painted in Anaheim Ducks colors and strung on 5/8” Ducks-colored ribbons to form a beautiful lei necklace that is accented with a bow for a feminine touch!”

7. These fuglicious Lakers booties. - $109.95

“At the game, everyone focuses their attention on the on-court action. When you’re strutting to the game in these Cuce Shoes, though, all eyes will be on you. Since you have great style and a dedication to your Lakers like no other, you’re gonna love these Rookie wedge boots, which feature a zippered side closure and a hand-embroidered team logo. Team-colored crystals accent these wedges, so fellow Los Angeles fans can spot your fanaticism and your chic sensibilities when you’re rockin’ these to Staples Center.”

8. Just the bottoms of a bathing suit because who needs a top?! - $34.95

“Show off some team spirit when you’re at the beach this summer with these Leopard Print bikini bottoms from Miss Fanatic. Featuring an allover animal print and a team logo at the back right, these swimsuit bottoms will show off your NBA enthusiasm to anyone admiring your Chicago-inspired attire.”

9. These “spirit finger” gloves that make literally no sense. - $19.95

“Ultimate fandom means that team pride is part of your very being, extending from your head to your heart to your fingertips.”

10. This crown and wand for your football princess. - $16.95

“Fellow football fans will deem you the princess of the pigskin when you add this women’s tiara and wand set to your game-day wardrobe. Wave your magic wand and wish for a game-winning field goal or better yet, a Super Bowl® ring!”

11. This great women’s 3D football rock. - $19.95

“The passion you feel for the Browns is rock solid – there’s no one in the world with more team spirit than you.”

12. A 3D baseball for women that aren’t into football. - $19.95

“Display your Boston love to the entire neighborhood when you put this 3D Baseball Stone on your front steps. Featuring a 3D baseball with a raised team logo, this stone will deter all rival fans from entering your house on game day.”

13. This fancy shmancy wine holder. - $35.95

“You’ve always enjoyed the finer things in life. You love designer shoes, diamonds and of course, your Texans.”

14. This mesh bedskirt for your girl bed. - $37.95

“Complete your bedroom ensemble with this great jersey mesh bed skirt.”

15. This awkward hair extension for when you’re too busy to do your hair. - $12.95

“Ladies, when game day has you strapped for time to go through your normal hair styling routine, use the opportunity to amp up your Red Sox spirit with these clip-in hair extensions!”

16. Not into that? What about feathers CLIPPED INTO YOUR HAIR? - $9.95

“Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony, then stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni. Though we thank Mr. Doodle for the idea, we’ve got a style update that’ll give your Red Wings spirit a funky twist.”

17. This fringe bikini you’ll die without. - $44.95

“Your surfside ensemble needs an upgrade to match your crazy devotion to the Heat. Add a little flair to your beach wear with this Miami Heat Fringe bikini top. It features a fierce sublimated team logo on the left and fun fringe detail on the front, so you can be sporty and sassy when you hit the waves.”

18. Nascar scrubs because why not? - $24.95

“You’ll be cool and comfortable wearing this Denny Hamlin v-neck scrub top from Landau.”

19. This giant ass pom-pom hair tie. - $6.95

“Ladies, add some team-colored pizzazz to any outfit with this Mini-Mini Pom ponytail holder!”

20. This classy watch, so you don’t miss the game. - $99.95

“Ladies, make the time to catch all your favorite Magic moments when you sport this stainless steel Elegance watch!”

21. This really classy Eagles purse… - $39.95

“The Littlearth® Sport Luxe hobo bag will give you a hip style meshed with team spirit.”

22. …that you can wear with these snazzy earrings. - $16.95

Okay, I do have to give major props to the NFL for their dedication to raising funds for breast cancer. However, why is everything they make for it so ugly.

23. This classic St Patrick’s day tube top. - $22.95

“Represent your NHL® team in fun, flirty style this St. Paddy’s Day!”

24. This shirt that asks people to kiss you because you’re a fan AND a woman yay! - $27.95

“Ladies, get those lips ready to pucker up when you show up to the next Capitals game rockin’ this I’m A Fan Kiss Me tee from Reebok.”

Yeah, no thanks.

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