I love you = You have really nice hair.
I love you = Sorry.
I love you = I would like to have sex with you now.
I love you = I'm frightened.
I love you = I wish you wouldn't leave.
I love you = Thank you for being there.
I love you = You're great with children.
I love you = I am just about to orgasm.
I love you = I am orgasming.
I love you = We are really good at sex, eh?
I love you = Could you take out the bins?
I love you = What a good idea!
I love you = You're so much better at that than me.
I love you = I was just thinking about whether or not I would die for you and I still haven't decided but I think you're really nice.
I love you = I am so glad you have such a lovely bottom.
I love you = Please don't die in a freak workplace accident or get run over by a bus today.
I love you = Thank you for doing the thing earlier on. You know… The thing.
I love you = Please stop talking.
I love you = Maybe I would actually die for you.
I love you = You have the nicest eyes of anyone I have ever known.
I love you = I'm even sorrier than the last time.
I love you = You are a competent cook.
I love you = I wouldn't survive without you.
I love you = I probably would survive without you but I'd be really, really sad.
I love you = The tenderness I feel for you reassures me that I'm not entirely a bad person.
I love you = Please don't tell anyone about the thing. You know… The thing.
I love you = Never stop bringing me coffee in bed on Saturday mornings.
I love you = You make me more frightened of death than I've ever been before because I don't want to be apart from you, even when I'm dead.
I love you = Will you pretend to be somebody else when we have sex tonight?
I love you = You have excellent taste in music, literature and television.
I love you = Your taste in music, literature and television is very similar to mine.
I love you = Thank you for taking out the bins.
I love you = Nobody makes me laugh as much as you do.
I love you = I actually just mean "good-bye." But saying "good-bye" to you seems so formal.
I love you = Poems make more sense to me since I met you.
I love you = Looking at you naked, I'm not even that turned on a lot of the time. I just feel overwhelming fondness.
I love you = I know I'm in the wrong so can we just drop it now? Thank you.
I love you = There's pretty much nothing you could say or do that would make me care for you any less. And that's a bit scary.
I love you = We are agreed that we're not going to break up with each other even if we get fat through complacency, aren't we?
I love you = I never knew kindness could be this sexy.
I love you = Thank you for laughing at that joke. It wasn't even funny.
I love you = Please don't fall in love with that other person.
I love you = There is less to worry about when you're around.
I love you = Sometimes I hate you.
I love you = You buy the best presents.
I love you = I am just about to orgasm again.
I love you = I am orgasming again.
I love you = We are *really* *really* good at sex, eh?
I love you = Sorry, forever.
I love you = Thank you, forever.
I love you = I'll do my best to not hurt you if you do your best too. Deal?