I’ve lived with vulvodynia for 17 years now, managing it with varying degrees of success over time. The saddest thing to me is that this condition is still as big of a secret as it was when I was first diagnosed. Some things to consider: Find an ob-gyn who will do exams with lidocaine. It doesn’t ruin the pap smear if they know how to do it properly. One way to find one who does is to pay for for the NVA newsletter, which will then allow you to access their practitioner database in your area: https://www.nva.org/ You can also use lidocaine gel during sex. Also, I have had great help from nerve blockers, which are antidepressants that also seem for mysterious reasons to block this type of nerve disorder pain. You’re not alone. Thank you for your brave sharing.