1. People speak English. Fluently.
They show up to places on time, too.
2. Excuse me, the beach is how far exactly?
At least there’s parking.
4. Nobody at the office finds your Miami anecdotes as cool as you do.
But really guys, I fell asleep on Sammy Sosa.
6. You are more vain than your new friends.
7. Your reaction to Cuban food in Miami:
Your reaction to Cuban food everywhere else:
8. Clubbing on a Monday isn’t exactly a thing.
Neither are hurricane parties.
10. The word “bro” isn’t an integral part of everyone’s vocab.
11. Heels aren’t always appropriate attire — yes, this includes pool parties.
12. A visit to the doctor does not imply seeing your plastic surgeon.
15. People are still pissed at Lebron.
But he doesn’t care, so neither should you.