12 Enraging Things Only Politicians Ever Say

Political cliches: making Newsnight unbearable since forever.

1.

It’s never money, it’s always “investment”. And it must always be “ring-fenced.”

2.

Alternatively: “Let me absolutely clear on this.”

3.

Full inquiries. Wide-ranging inquiries. Always with the inquiries.

4.

This is intended to signify straight-talking good blokeishness. But it backfires, since literally no-one else ever starts a sentence in this way.

5.

Or occasionally: “a package of measures.”

6.

David Cameron’s speeches, in particular, tend to be peppered with throat-clearing phrases like this.

7.

Just once, I’d love to hear a policy initiative aimed at lazy families.

8.

One of those things politicians say to give the impression they have the ear of “ordinary hard-working people” in their constituencies.

9.

Front line? It’s not a war.

10.

Three words that generally add nothing to a sentence whatsoever.

11.

When do you ever hear the word “swingeing” outside of this context?

12.

OH GOD PLEASE JUST TALK LIKE A HUMAN BEING, NOT A CYBORG.

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