21 Simple Ways To Swear Like Malcolm Tucker

Important lessons from the foul-mouthed star of The Thick Of It and In The Loop. Warning: NSFW language ahead.

1. Paint a vivid scene with your words

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2. Employ unusual metaphors

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3. And creative similes

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4. Be poetic with your insults

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5. Use the language of the playground

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6. Inject a brisk rhythm

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7. Throw in references to popular culture

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8. The more obscure the better

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9. Invent whole new words

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10. Convey a sense of horrified disbelief

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11. Be brutal

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12. Understand the power of abstraction

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13. If anyone tries to censor you, humour them

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14. Take an existing phrase, and give it a twist

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15. Add a dash of the surreal

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16. But remember that sometimes the direct approach works best

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17. If in doubt, get Biblical

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18. Build to a resounding climax

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19. And generally exploit every opportunity to demean and belittle

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20. Just remember, Malcolm Tucker might like to swear at people, but he’s NOT a bully

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21. Got that?

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Luke Lewis is the executive editor of BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.
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