What's It's Like To Date A "Jurassic Park" Dinosaur

You'll never really know, but this is the next best thing. "Jurassic Heart" is a dating sim that explores the love between a girl and her Tyrannosaurus rex classmate.

If you've never played a dating sim, you're missing out. These are simple text-based games in which you make a series of choices with different results — think Choose Your Own Adventure with anime style. "Jurassic Heart" is a fairly straightforward entry into the genre ... except that the object of your affection is a T. Rex named Taira-kun.

The story begins with you in your bedroom.

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Your first date with Taira-kun is to buy a ukulele. We'll get into why later. For now, just accept that this is a reasonable outing for you and your dinosaur crush.

Ready for your first choice?

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I picked the meat on the bone hair clip in the hopes that Taira-kun would try to eat my head. He did not.

Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure the dinosaur likes meat.

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This character is kind of dumb. I regret naming her Louis.

This is Taira-kun, by the way.

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Also, duh.

It's still pretty exciting when you realize he's into you.

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Off to the music store!

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How does a dinosaur play a ukulele? I DON'T KNOW.

And here comes the clunky exposition.

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You encouraged Taira-kun to play and he dropped his ukulele. It doesn't really seem like your fault, to be honest.

This is the problem with dating a dinosaur, really.

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And it leads to your next choice.

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Taira-kun feels bad about you paying for the ukulele and wants to get it on his own. I suggested we split it, because that's the sensible thing to do, and I'm really good at dating.

I think we're flirting.

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If you suggest splitting the ukulele, you go on to say you can share it. But because you can't play the ukulele, you'll have to sing. Cuuute. If I were making this into a movie, I'd cast Zooey Deschanel in both roles.

Yep. Definitely flirting.

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Ukulele size doesn't matter.

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As long as your dinosaur is happy, guys.

Location change!

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You say good night, but the date doesn't have to be over. Follow Taira-kun's lead. He's a dinosaur.

Make the right choice. Lie if you have to.

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Taira-kun totally wants to do it.

Ohhh, shit.

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OK, I'm going to stop you right now. This doesn't actually lead to hot dino-on-human action. Alas, it's just not that kind of game.

If you stick around, Taira-kun shares his sob story with you.

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More like whine-osaur, amirite?

Once upon a time, he dropped his ukulele.

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And he couldn't pick it up, because dinosaur. HOW DID HE PLAY IT, THOUGH. I need answers.

Luckily, you know just what to say.

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UGH, KISS ALREADY.

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Sad spoiler alert: there is no kissing either.

Well, you're at least getting a second date.

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I REALLY WAS BLUSHING.

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How did the game know??

This is so goddamn sweet.

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You tell Taira-kun that if he ever drops his ukulele again, you'll be there to pick it up. That's love.

Now it's Taira-kun's turn to blush!

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At least we're acknowledging that he's a giant dinosaur.

Finally, you get to jam together.

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Turns out "Louis" is a cute red-haired girl. Story of my life.

Everyone's happy. But what about a second date?

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It's inconclusive. Let's just go ahead and assume this story ends in marriage.

But yes, let's relax and stay in the moment.

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One day you rule the earth, the next day you're literally a fossil.

Play "Jurassic Heart" here.

[H/T Daily Dot]