1. Someone in New Jersey caught this horrifying creature while fishing.
The only consolation is that it’s dead.
2. OK, what is it?
The leading theory is that it’s a really big sea lamprey, a horrifying parasitic creature that’s scary even when it’s not enormous. But some aren’t convinced: given the limited scope of the photo, it’s impossible to be sure just what that New Jerseyan speared.
3. No, but seriously, what is it?
Put on your cryptozoologist hat and pick from the following.✓ X IT’S A MONSTER.
RUN. SAVE YOURSELVES.