1. I’d never play Farmville, but I love The Simpsons, so I’ll give this a try.
2. I can’t believe I ever thought I had control over my life.
3. My Springfield is so cute.
4. Just visited my neighbors’ Springfields and now I realize mine is useless and ugly.
5. When is the next level coming?
6. There’s no reason this game can’t produce levels as fast as I can play them.
7. Realistically, I should be on level 800 by now.
8. I’m so proud of myself for never buying any donuts.
9. I’m only buying a dozen donuts.
10. K I’m only going to buy 300 donuts THIS ONE TIME.
11. I’M BUYING A BOATLOAD OF DONUTS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME.
12. I no longer think of donuts as things you eat, but solely as currency.
13. I’m honestly confused as to why I can’t throw donuts at people to make them move faster.
14. I’m biding my time for a new event to bring excitement back to this game.
15. The new event arrived and I just used all of my donuts to make it pass by faster.
16. Did I really just blow all my winnings from Springfield Downs on trees?
17. I just have to move this one tiny fence, and then my town will be complete.
18. I’ve literally moved everything but the fence, because my FINGERS ARE TOO FAT FOR THIS GAME.
19. What am I supposed to do with these holiday decorations?
20. I judge my neighbors for leaving holiday decorations up long after the holidays are over.
21. Your nuclear power plant doesn’t need candy cane–striped cooling towers in the summer.
22. I’m irrationally angry when my neighbors don’t have any buildings left for me to vandalize.
23. I’ve completely forgot about my Krustyland.
24. WHY CAN’T I PUT A PALM TREE OUTSIDE OF KRUSTYLAND?
25. Suddenly realized that there’s an elementary school nestled between a nuclear power pant and a penitentiary.
26. I’m terrible at city planning.
27. I’m glad I spent a bunch of donuts on boardwalk performers who do LITERALLY NOTHING.
28. Speaking of, would it kill the Capital City Goofball to have a goddamn task?
29. $10,000 for a boardwalk section? YEAH RIGHT.
30. OMG A NEW UPDATE.
31. This update is so much better than the last.
32. I’m so tired of this update.
33. I wish they’d bring back the Easter bunnies.
34. When did Homer have time to buy an iPad?
35. I’m annoyed that it takes six whole seconds for Homer and Lisa to clean up waste.
36. Duffman is kind of hot.
37. I’ve definitely zoomed in on Duffman thrusting.
38. Homer and Marge must have a terrible sex life.
39. I mean, they don’t even spend time together unless it’s part of a quest. And even then, you know Marge would rather be protesting something.
40. Sometimes when I work Apu too hard I worry about his mental health.
41. I’m sending Apu to the Brown House to get some rest.
42. Frankly, it alarms me that very few of these people ever sleep.
43. AND WHY IS IT ALWAYS DAYTIME.
44. What happens in the Brown House when no one is using it?
45. Why don’t characters ever use doors? They just evaporate into buildings, and it’s unsettling.
46. Although if they did use the doors, we’d realize that none of these buildings are to scale.
47. A stadium is MUCH LARGER than a house IRL.
48. Only 79 days left until my corn is ready to harvest.
49. MY CONSUMERISM RATING SHOULD BE AT FIVE STARS. FUCK THE CONFORM-O-METER.
50. I’m only going to play Tapped Out in my free time, never during work hours.
51. It’s OK to at least check on my Springfield throughout the day.
52. I now consider any work I actually get done to be a break from my real job, which is playing Tapped Out.
53. I have to wake up in the middle of the night to check on my Springfield or I’ll feel like a neglectful parent.
54. No one understands my absolute devotion to this game.
55. That’s because they tried and found it to be too complicated. They call me an addict? I call them QUITTERS.
56. I’d rather spend eight donuts than wait 24 hours for building to build.
57. I wish I had this much money IRL.
58. What does this bomb button do?