22 Things We Learned From Season 3 Of "The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills"

If you want to survive in Beverly Hills, pay close attention.

1. Implying that you’ve slept with everyone is not the best way to make a first impression.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

But if you’re Brandi, you’ll manage to charm your new friend, anyway.

2. Skinny people get drunk faster.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Go home, Taylor, you’re drunk.

3. Did anyone ask you to sing? Then don’t sing.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

This is David Foster’s house, not a goddamn karaoke bar.

4. Some people love to stir the pot.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

And then they don’t even show up at the reunion to finish what they started. Uncool, Malooves.

5. Total neutrality is impossible, no matter how desperately you try.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

And those lame attempts make you look like an asshole in the long run. Just saying!

6. The morally corrupt will never be redeemed.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Is this the last we’ve seen of the MCFR? Let’s hope.

7. A filthy mouth doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Brandi’s a self-proclaimed slut, not a self-proclaimed robot.

8. Some husbands are better seen than heard.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

I’m sure Mauricio is very good at his business. But also, shut up.

9. Not everyone gets to be interesting.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Better luck next time, Marisa!

10. [redacted]

Marlene Cronman/Bravo

Sorry, missed this one. I think Bravo bleeped it out?

11. Stripper classes are the best way to achieve financial independence.

Marlene Cronman/Bravo

Your real friends get that, and will support your pole-dancing endeavors.

12. Whenever you play the game of scones, you either win or you die.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Adrienne Maloof is such a Lannister.

13. The key to a happy marriage is letting him flirt.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Brandi is touching Lisa’s husband, and look how chill Lisa is. Thirty years together for a reason, OK?

14. Even people who hate each other can have a good time together.

Marc Piaseck/Bravo

Cheers to never seeing each other when the cameras aren’t rolling!

15. Blondes have more fun.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Their brunette friends can hang, too.

16. True love exists. You just have to be English.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Sweetest moment on any Housewife series. Who knew we had any love left in our hearts?

17. We all have thoughts we shouldn’t say out loud.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Like that Kyle wants Kim to relapse, or that Kim made Yolanda carry her poo-stained pillow. Where did the poo come from? Crap, now I’m thinking about it again.

18. You must never question a recovering alcoholic’s sobriety, even when she’s not acting sober.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

They don’t actually teach that one in AA.

19. The right people appreciate total honesty.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

The right people are Yolanda, Brandi, and anyone they associate with.

20. It’s not being bitchy if you’re Dutch.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Also: Lyme disease.

21. At the end of the day, the classiest people just don’t give a shit.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Lisa and Ken, giving zero fucks once again.

22. Small animals always steal the show.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Congratulations, Giggy. Here’s to another great season.

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