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20 Superheroes With Useless Powers

Not all superheroes are created equal. Here are 20 with bafflingly silly powers, ranked from least to most useless.

20. Jubilee


Affiliation: X-Men
Powers: Generates brightly colored energy (“fireworks”) from her fingers.
In her defense: Her fireworks explode and are very dangerous to epileptics. Also, she’s a vampire now, which means she could easily kick your ass.

19. Vibe


Affiliation: Justice League
Powers: Creates powerful shock waves, break dances.
In his defense: Break dancing was very cool at one point. And his power’s not totally useless, especially after Batman taught him how to use it correctly.

18. Matter-Eater Lad


Affiliation: Legion of Super-Heroes
Powers: Eats matter in any and every form.
In his defense: No structure can hold him — he’ll just eat through it.

17. Bouncing Boy


Affiliation: Legion of Super-Heroes
Power: Inflates into a ball, bounces.
In his defense: He’s actually a pretty effective weapon, as long as he bounces himself in the right direction.

16. Doorman


Affiliation: Great Lakes Avengers
Powers: Teleports people — but only from one room to the next.
In his defense: Who needs a door when you have Doorman?

15. Red Bee


Affiliation: All-Star Squadron
Powers: Trains bees, wields a stinger gun.
In his defense: Bees are terrifying. Although it’s hard to be scared of Red Bee’s favorite bee, because he named him “Michael.”

14. Stone Boy


Affiliation: Legion of Super-Heroes
Powers: Turns self into stone, at which point he becomes immobile.
In his defense: He eventually learned how to move in his stone form. Good for him!

13. Arm-Fall-Off Boy


Affiliation: Legion of Super-Heroes
Powers: Detaches his arms for use as blunt weapons.
In his defense: It would really hurt to be hit over the head with an arm.

12. Gin Genie


Affiliation: X-Statix
Powers: Generates seismic waves equal to her blood alcohol content.
In her defense: She’s really quite powerful, provided she’s totally wasted.

11. Zeitgeist


Affiliation: X-Statix
Powers: Vomits acid.
In his defense: He can provide an easy escape, as long as you don’t mind watching him throw up for 20 minutes.

10. Thunderer


Affiliation: None
Powers: Yells really loudly, thanks to his costume’s built-in microphone.
In his defense: Nobody likes being yelled at. Also, he can do some serious damage with his sonic scream.

9. Extraño


Affiliation: New Guardians
Powers: Does magic (some of it real), perpetuates deeply offensive homophobic stereotypes.
In his defense: He’s the product of a different time. As for his powers, a crystal skull amplified his abilities to make him a slightly worthier adversary.

8. Cypher


Affiliation: New Mutants
Powers: Translates any and all languages.
In his defense: His hair is dreamy.

7. Squirrel Girl


Affiliation: Great Lakes Avengers
Powers: Has a prehensile tail, sharp claws, and buck teeth capable of chewing through wood.
In her defense: If you’ve ever fought over a sandwich with a squirrel, you know those little bastards are tough.

6. El Guapo


Affiliation: X-Statix
Powers: Has a symbiotic relationship with his flying skateboard.
In his defense: He can get serious air on that thing.

5. Madame Fatal


Affiliation: None
Powers: Dresses up like an old woman, using the power of disguise.
In his defense: He’s got a talking parrot named Hamlet! Pretty cool.

4. Color Kid


Affiliation: Legion of Super-Heroes
Powers: Changes the color of any object at will.
In his defense: The world is prettier with Color Kid in it.

3. Rainbow Girl


Affiliation: Legion of Substitute Heroes
Powers: Wields the power of the emotional spectrum, leading to unpredictable mood swings.
In her defense: She’s apparently very charming for a confusing and ambiguously sexist creation.

2. Dazzler


Affiliation: X-Men
Powers: Converts music into light, has sweet disco moves.
In her defense: DISCO IS NOT DEAD.

1. Hindsight Lad


Affiliation: New Warriors
Powers: Knows how events could have played out differently in hindsight.
In his defense: It’s really helpful to know exactly why you screwed up. Just kidding. Eff this guy.

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