Hello Kitty Merchandise Takeover From Hell: Kitchen Edition

I’m ready to puke now.

1. The madness has got to stop!


Hello Kitty will put their brand on anything. ANYTHING. You could dedicate every room in an entire house to Hello Kitty - but hey, that’s nothing new. Dozens of people have done it. And how do they do it? It’s easy. Let’s design a Hello Kitty kitchen together. Luckily, there are plenty of items to choose from:

2. Microwave

For only $79.99

Of course there’s more than one kind.

5. Toaster Oven/Coffee Maker Combo

But why would I want this when I could just have a separate Hello Kitty Toaster Oven and Hello Kitty Coffee Maker?

6. Crock Pot

Perfect for Superbowl cooking.

The Hello Kitty fanbase demands variety in their crock pot choices.

9. Popcorn Maker

Only $129.99

Seriously? There is more than one kind of Hello Kitty popcorn maker??

Another popcorn maker. Come on.

12. Toaster

Look at the toast. LOOK AT THE TOAST.

15. It never ends

16. Stand Up Mixer

19. Rice Steamer

You heard right. Rice steamer.

20. Sandwich Maker

Gotta have more choices in sandwich makers.

23. Sandwich Cutters

Yeah.

27. Juice Holder

Necessary.

28. Hello Kitty Hot Dog Sausage Maker Steamer Machine

This exists.

29. Water Dispenser

Perfect for a professional office setting.

30. Every detail counts

33. Canisters

34. Travel Utensils

When a kitty has to eat on the go.

35. Salt and Pepper Grinders

At this point, if it doesn’t have a Hello Kitty logo, it’s not going in the kitchen.

38. More Cookware

40. Kitchen Timer

Really, I think one kind of Hello Kitty kitchen timer is plenty.

42. Apron

Now get in the kitchen and make me a Hello Kitty pie.

Loooots of caffeinated Hello Kitty fans out there…

Note the kitties all over the blade of the knife.

59. Measuring Cup

Open mouth, insert trash.

Silicone oven mitts

66. Paper Towel Holder

Yep, that’s a paper towel holder as well.

69. Napkin Holder

71. Pasta Drainer

73. Drain Cover

Why is this happening?

74. Cookie Cutter

Oh look, you can hang your Hello Kitty cookie off of your Hello Kitty coffee cup filled with coffee brewed in the Hello Kitty coffee maker.

76. Cookie Jar

82. Refrigerators

Yes, this begins the REFRIGERATOR portion of our show. This is a mini-fridge, perfect for your freshman dorm room. You’ll make lots of friends…

Another mini-fridge

Refrigerator/freezer combo

87. Faucet Attachment

When the water is running, Hello Kitty’s arms move. Is this completely necessary?

Of course there is more than one kind of faucet attachment. It seems that Hello Kitty is urinating here…

It’s stunning, all right.

94. Kitchen Rug

96. Blender

I think I should start investing in Hello Kitty…

101. Yogurt Maker

YOGURT MAKER.

102. Ice Cream Maker

104. Cotton Candy Maker

You know what? Screw it. I actually want a cotton candy maker now.

Thank God there are a variety of Hello Kitty Cotton Candy Makers to choose from.

106. Ice Cube Tray

108. Wine Glasses

At this point, why don’t you go ahead and get me a glass of wine?

110. Cookie Maker

111. Knife Block

I LOVE IT.

It’s beautiful.

113. Roomba

Vacuum all of the crumbs you drop almost as soon as you drop them. Your Hello Kitty kitchen needs to remain SPOTLESS.

114. Mop

After you’re done cooking your man a meal, clean up your mess with this Hello Kitty mop.

115. Ladies and Gentlemen, Hello Kitty Kitchens:

Nice dining room architecture.

She seems so proud.

124. …Maybe she lives here.

126. Go away, I hate you.

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