13 Things You Learn While Watching “Blue Jasmine”

wait for your Xanax to kick in (Spoilers)

1. If a person is talking to themselves, don’t engage

2. When someone asks where you are from, be specific “New York… Park Ave”

3. An anthropologist is different from an archeologist

4. One day you could be hosting people and the next you could be measuring their foot

5. 5 days is a longtime for relatives to visit; book the Marriott and a Limo

6. Stoli martini with a twist is the official beverage of the 1%

7. Please don’t stare, yes it is Louis Vuitton

8. To do what you want you must first learn computers

9. Have a bottle of Xanax in arms reach at all times

10. People will judge you for dating a guy named Chili

11. Furs are easy to sell, one of a kind jewelry is not

12. A designer sweater styled with a Birkin bag will make you socially acceptable, even if you are crazy

13. Cate’s performance is outstanding and should be considered for an Oscar

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