Things Asexuals (Aces) Are Tired Of Hearing

As an asexual, I have heard just about every possible variation of the phrases below. For those who haven’t come across the term, Asexuality is not celibacy. Celibacy is a choice, Asexuality is just the way we are (with little or no sexual desire). The community isn’t limited as we have gay people, transgendered etc and as such are a diverse group.

1. ‘You just haven’t met the right person yet!’

Asexuals will hear this as often as I’m sure homosexuals have had to deal with it - that we can be ‘fixed’ by meeting a certain someone. This isn’t how it works. I personally met the right person, he was perfect - but I still didn’t want to have sexual relations with him.

2. ‘You’ve Just had bad experiences…’

I can’t speak for others, but I have never been abused in any sexual way. I’ve had loving partners who’d have done anything for me…and I still didn’t want to be doing it.

3. ‘You Need to see a Doctor…’

If my Doctor looked like the beautiful man above…I’d be there every day, but in the context of asexuality, I have had every test, every examination (none of which were pleasant) and they’ve come to the conclusion that….wait for it….this is just the way I am.

4. ‘You Need to see a Therapist….’

Been there, done that. Trust me, I have tried everything to ‘fix’ myself. My therapist actually said to me; ‘If you are unhappy this way then we can try to work through it, but if you’re content, there’s nothing to fix.’ I’m perfectly happy like this.

5. ‘You just use that as an excuse for being single…’

I could understand that argument if I’d never had a boyfriend, but I’ve been in several long term relationships. I ended the last one due to being the way I am. I’m single by choice.

6. ‘You’ll end up a crazy cat lady…’

This is a quote from an interview a did a while ago; ‘I’m a Vegan Asexual who doesn’t want kids - I’m thinking crazy cat lady.’
There are far worse things to be - in an unhappy relationship for one. There’s also compromising on something that is important to you. I’m waiting for my order of the above to arrive.

7. ‘You’re just trying to get attention….’

Would you want to be famous for this? I didn’t think so. I ‘came out’ because I don’t want anyone else to feel as awful as I have whilst coming to the conclusion that I was asexual; broken, damaged, a freak…. I don’t care about embarrassing myself on TV and here if just one person thinks ‘Holy crap! It’s like they’re describing me! I’m no broken!’

8. ‘So you’re gay then?’

The asexual community has every kind of person in it, we’re a mixed bunch, but this is one I frequently get asked. No, I’m not gay. I would admit it if I was. I am a Female attracted to males I just don’t want to have sex with them.

9. ‘So you’re not attracted to ANYONE?’

It is actually illegal in my country (England) to NOT be attracted to the above three men, so by law, I do find men attractive. I kid. I am attracted to men. My heart stops whenever I see Johnny Depp, the three amigos above, Jared Leto etc etc ad infinitum…I just don’t want to have sexual relations with them. Whilst other girls are day dreaming about…*ahem*, my celeb fantasies are a lot more innocent.

10. ‘Isn’t Asexuality to do with worms…..’

You’re thinking of asexual reproduction which is essentially a life form that reproduces by itself. This is quite different.

11. ‘I couldn’t live with sex…’

Good for you, but I’m quite happy this way thank you! No STDs, unwanted pregnancy, worrying about sleeping with someone on the first date, no worrying what ‘coffee’ means. I think things are a lot easier this way!

12. ‘Asexual? Is that real? Never heard of it.’

Apparently 1% of all people are asexual. That’s not a lot, plus a large chunk of us are pretty introverted (there have been surveys etc done) we also don’t have a pride march (though we’ve been very kindly invited on some LGBT ones) Look up AVEN (the asexuality Visibility Education Network) we’re here, there just aren’t all that many of us.

13. ‘But sex is everywhere…’

Yeah, we noticed. I find it easier to fast forward sex scenes in movies and avoid anything too in your face.

14. I think Metatron sums it up pretty well ;p

Go to http://www.asexuality.org/home/ for more info. We have cake!

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