36 Reasons You Didn’t Go To That Party This Weekend

I mean, you wanted to. But failed. posted on

1. You pregamed too hard.

2. You couldn’t pregame. You were out of booze. Stores were closed. Too poor to buy more anyway.

3. No one you knew was going

and you don’t like dancing on your own…that much.

4. Your phone was charging

5. You lacked material resources

6. You forgot where the party was and ended up on Facebook for half an hour…

Ok, four hours.

7. …then logged off but forgot whose party it was and ended up on Facebook again.

We all hate you, Mark.

8. You found out that guy you’ve been avoiding was going…

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And so were his friends

9. …annnndd those girls you hate.

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10. Everyone there was older than you

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11. Everyone there was younger than you

12. You tried putting on makeup but got distracted watching 45 Michelle Phan tutorials

She’s so pretty and talented and loveable

13. Nude pumps?

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You hate nude pumps but everyone looks good in them.

14. Couldn’t decide which bag to bring

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15. Checked the weather. It was cold.

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16. And there was potential for rain.

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17. You gave the last of your cash to the delivery guy

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18. Too much delivery = food baby.

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Can’t roll in with rolls.

19. You maxed out your credit card

20. You had only one piece of gum left.

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No, can’t.

21. You didn’t feel like competing with skanks

or looking at them

22. and you weren’t in the mood to flirt to get free drinks.

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23. You read the venue’s yelp review

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24. You started watching SVU.

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Seriously.

25. You thought about late night subways

26. and how hard life is when you’re hot and you ride subways

27. and subways in general.

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28. But… cabs = expensive traffic jams that are bad for the environment.

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29. Your “girlfriend” paid you a surprise visit.

30. You were too busy f*cking around with your cat.

31. You discovered how much you love your new laundry detergent

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32. then you finally found something you wanted to wear

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33. You got hungry again, chugged cooking wine and made more food

34. Then you started thinking about your feelings

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35. Made and/or got a booty call

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36. and watched sh*tty shows on Netflix and Hulu before your free trials expired at midnight.

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