1. Mean Girls offered confirmation of this: That Halloween is basically spring break in the fall. But way, way worse.
2. As a result, Halloween is responsible for destroying a large percent of father-daughter relationships.
3. Victoria’s Secret + animal ears = “costume.” Take a look around. Truth.
5. There are two types of people who dress up on Halloween: sluts and non-sluts.
6. The thing is…conceptual costumes are so much cooler.
7. In fact, a cool costume is a great Halloween conversation starter.
8. Except to the people who just don’t get it…at which point the evening begins to feel weird.
9. At some point, someone will make a joke about your costume (sexy or non-sexy) that will make you feel like a loser.
10. And, naturally, people make really bad decisions and judgement calls on Halloween more than any other holiday.
11. What’s worse…you’ve been drinking and you’re starting to feel disconnected from the fun around you.
12. And then, at a certain point on this terrifying night, everything will start to go wrong. All you wanted to do was have fun, for goodness sakes.
13. But, you’ve had too much to drink. You’ve eaten a million Fun Size Snickers bars. THIS IS THE WORST.
15. And after what is the world’s most terrible evening, you realize Halloween would have been better spent watching scary movies with your friends.
Which you’ll totally forget next year.
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