1. Getting the screen in the back of your cab to shut the fuck up.
The only reason you’re taking a cab in the first place is because you’re a) drunk b) on the verge of death c) ridiculously late and the last thing you need to hear is Talk Stoop with Cat Greenleaf.
2. Traveling to another borough for anything other than work.
Even if it’s only a few extra subway stops, the prospect of having to go all the way into Manhattan to meet a friend for drinks can be justification to bail.
3. Homeless people can be hard to please.
Try offering the leftovers in your hands to a homeless person on the street, only to be informed that they are gluten free or lactose intolerant.
4. Another café built of reclaimed wood, boasting locally sourced food and charging $5 for iced coffee served out of mason jars.
What counts as locally sourced when you live in NYC… are we talking about the 5×5 lot of land sandwiched between the 99-cent store and the KFC in Bushwick that calls itself a community garden?
5. Realizing the length of the line in Trader Joes.
Even at 1pm on a Tuesday. No time is sacred.
6. $3 ATM fees.
And getting so used to them that you feel blessed when you find a machine charitable enough to charge you a mere dollar to access your own fucking money.
7. Mysterious liquids dropping from the sky.
Nothing like a few fresh drops of Air Conditioning fluid to the face.
8. Running into someone you know on the subway and then having to make small talk for the next 15 minutes when you’d rather just be listening to Beyoncé.
Oh cool, you’re working at a startup in Midtown now?
9. Feeling a rat run over your foot on the sidewalk.
A unique sensation, comparable to nothing else.