Epcot Centre’s Twitter Is The Funniest Thing You’ll Read All Day

Yes, this is a parody account. But whoever is behind it deserves to be Epcot’s social media manager ASAP.

1. Public Health is their #1 priority

3. They give great relationship advice

4. They answer fan questions

Q. What steps have you taken to reduce Epcot's carbon footprint? - Brent (Tucumcari, NM) --- A. We switched to those weird light bulbs.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Q. I lost my blood pressure pills at Epcot & park employees found them for me. Thank you! - Marta (Rifle, CO) - A. That's not a question.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Q. How much does it cost to park at Epcot for the day? - Denny (Strawberry Point, IA) --- A. $14. Hope you can scrape it together, Denny.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

9. They enforce the rules

If you want to feed a bag of Ruffles to some seagulls, please do it on your own property, not ours. Thank you.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

We close at 9:30 on weeknights. 9:30 means 9:30. It doesn't mean 9:35 or 9:50.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Please don't wear jeans with holes in them at Epcot. This is a family theme park, not some kind of acid rock concert.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

We have lots of rules at Epcot because we care about safety. If you don't like our rules you can just stay home as far as we're concerned.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

You can't bring your dog into Epcot Centre unless you can prove you are blind.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

14. They do trivia - with awesome prizes!

The first person to answer today's #Epcot trivia question correctly will win a 2014 Chevy Malibu!

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Here is today's #Epcot trivia question. Who was the President of the United States when Epcot opened in 1982?

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Unfortunately, no one answered today's #Epcot trivia question correctly. The Chevy Malibu will be sold at auction.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

17. They know what the holidays are all about

We like to think the brave man and women who founded the Plymouth Colony in 1620 would have loved Epcot.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Just as the Jews rededicated the Second Temple in the 2nd century BC, Epcot is rededicating itself to terrific customer service! #Hanukkah

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

There is no better place to celebrate a birthday, an anniversary, or early release from incarceration than Epcot.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Our ass't. general manager fractured his shin kiteboarding, so now I have to work all weekend. I haven't even started my Christmas shopping.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

21. They share big news about the park

Exciting news! We might be opening an Epcot Centre in Vietnam if they ever get their act together over there.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Epcot will close at 1:00pm next Thursday because our general manager, Brian, has to have oral surgery.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Despite rumors to the contrary, @Susan_Lucci has NOT officially agreed to host our New Year's Eve concert.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

We are delighted to unveil our newest attraction here at Epcot.

— EpcotCentre (@Epcot Centre)

Follow @EpcotCentre for more hilarious tweets. For your daily dose of mundane observations and droning sports commentary that is likely irrelevant, follow the guy who introduced these amazing tweets to me, @dammit_ben.

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