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    How to Live Like a Designer Blogger Bitch

    Do you troll gracious living blogs and think, “Damn, I want to live like that bitch”? Well, here’s your guide to style your shit pretty.

    Lauren Guenther
    by Lauren Guenther

    Community Contributor

    White-ass Walls

    Aubrie Pick / Via apartment34.com

    Colorful walls are a no fucking go. You can have colorful accents, but they’d better be books you bought in a rare book store in Paris, or a vintage pink couch that Audrey Hepburn sat her ass on.

    Peonies, Bitches!

    Via julieblanner.com

    Get some of these magnificent mother fuckin’ flowers. Ranunculus, roses and Billy Balls are also an absolute fucking must. Put these glorious fuckin’ blooms in silver vases.

    Get this Fucking Poster

    Sabra Lattos / Via erikabrechtel.com

    Designer Blogger Bitches cannot get e-fuckin-nough of this twee-ass poster. If you can’t find this one, get something with a cat on it, or a French word, my putain.

    Give Your Kid a Turnt Fucking Nursery

    Asa Weinstein / Via stylemepretty.com

    Your baby needs to be styled within an inch of its new fucking life. No Dora the Explorer and no Winnie the mother fucking Pooh. We’re talking art on the walls and animal prints on the bed.

    Embrace Random Geometric Shapes

    Laura Kelly / Via stylemepretty.com

    Get some mother fucking dodecahedrons up in that piece. Your accents should have more angles than a typo-laden bible.

    Chairs Should be Fucking Invisible

    Bryce Covey Photography / Via stylemepretty.com

    Designer blog bitches HATE being able to see what they’re sitting their skinny asses down on. Buy yourself so many Ghost Chairs you need to call a mother fuckin’ exorcist!

    Tassels, Tassels and More Fucking Tassels!

    Bryce Covey Photography / Via stylemepretty.com

    Nothing says “Mother Fuckin’ Whimsy” like some tassels. (Look how happy this bitch is with that decorative draping paper!) Acceptable colors are pink, gold and mint.

    Stripy Straws Are the Shit

    ten22studio / Via thetomkatstudio.com

    Do not even think of touching your Dior-shellacked lips to a glass! All your drinks need to come with a paper fucking straw. And serve that shit in something weird, like a paint can.

    Calligraphy on Fleek

    Abby Jiu Photography / Via stylemepretty.com

    If you don’t have copperplate skills, you’d best find some bitch who do. Only garbage people write without curlicues.

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