1. Picking your nose.
2. Marvelling at the filthy shade of your bathwater after returning from a festival or muddy walk.
3. Using the kind of mouthwash that colours all the gross tooth debris and closely studying what's left in the sink.
4. Picking at an ingrown hair until a lump of skin-and-hair goo comes out.
5. Getting deep in the creep on an ex from years ago's Facebook profile when you're supposedly getting an early night.
6. Looking back to the end of your own Instagram profile and imagining how other people see you.
7. Squeezing a spot until it pops and hits the mirror.
8. Extracting a solid lump of wax from your ear with a cotton bud.
9. Picking earwax out of in-ear headphones and then rolling it between your fingers when nobody's looking.
10. Reading fan fiction.
11. Allowing your exercise apps to post to your Facebook wall.
12. Rooting for arsehole Jeremy Kyle guests when they turn on him.
13. Eating nice dinners with your hands.
14. Spooning cold baked beans into your gawping mouth straight from the can.
15. Cooking Supernoodles for your tea when you're neither drunk nor hungover.
16. Biting bits of skin from around your nails.
17. Biting your toenails.
18. Smelling your warm socks after you've taken off your trainers or boots.
19. Buying exfoliating socks and trying to peel away the dead skin in as big a pieces as possible.
20. Listening to Avril Lavigne on a Spotify private session.
21. Getting down to Lady Gaga while letting everyone believe you only like death metal.
22. Beating your housemate to the bathroom in the morning by seconds.
23. Finding a scab on your scalp, picking it off, and sliding it out of your hair without losing it.
24. Picking scabs full stop.
25. Getting away with all of the above without anyone noticing.
