1. Titanic came out in 1997. I was 6 years old. I didn’t get to watch it until five years later, when I was 11. And when I watched it, things happened.
2. It all started when I noticed the way that Jack was enamored with the mere sight of Rose.
With my braces and uneven hair due to various run-ins with my mother’s scissors in the bathroom mirror, I had never had a boy look at me like that, much less look at me at all.
3. But when I saw Jack, I suddenly NEEDED him to look at me.
I needed those eyes to move up and down my body. I needed that nod.
4. I resumed being my unawakened, 11-year-old self, until I saw the hand caressing.
Not only was Jack teaching Rose how to fly, he was beginning his teaching to me about my sexual desires.
5. I had mildly recovered from the gaze and the hands, when I saw the cigarette. The cigarette that was so gently held between his lips.
Could I be that cigarette? Could that happen?
6. He wanted to save Rose. And in doing so, he began to remove clothing. And I began to blossom.
I was enchanted.
7. But the true awakening began when he was drawing Rose. I began to feel.
“Draw me like one of your French girls.” —me to Jack in my dreams
8. I was feeling, feeling so many things, only to be DESTROYED when the car scene came about.
I wanted that to be my hand. I needed that to be my hand. I could no longer breathe.
10. Everything about Jack was flawless. His hair, tousling ever so slightly. His eyebrows, arched in amusement. His lips, pursed in perfection.
I didn’t want a boy to touch me before this movie. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t crave it. But after this movie, my desire to be touched by Jack Dawson consumed me.
11. OH DEAR GOD.
12. THAT SMILE.
13. THIS FACIAL EXPRESSION.
14. THAT ADAM’S APPLE.
:: faints ::