1. She's Adele.
2. She has the voice of a brassy angel.
3. She's sold millions of albums.
4. If she called a thousand times, it's probably pretty important.
5. She's shattered tons of records.
6. Not literally.
7. Like Guinness Book of World Records records.
8. You understand.
9. She still uses a flip phone.
10. So she probably can't text.
11. T9 isn't easy. Don't make her text you.
12. Seriously, phone conversations are a lost art.
13. Adele is basically reviving the dying practice of phone conversations. And also flip phones.
14. Phone calls are the new texting.
15. Flip phones are the new iPhones.
16. Adele is the new everything.
17. Do you think Adele ever had a Razr?
18. I bet she did. Because she's trendy as hell.
19. Can you imagine how many voicemails you probably have? Just answer.
20. You know she's Adele, right?
21. She's got a really cute baby.
22. Maybe her baby can sing.
23. You'll never know if she has a singing baby if you don't answer her call.
24. She's won like a ton of Grammys.
25. And an Oscar.
26. And a Golden Globe.
27. OK, wait, Adele is, like, really close to EGOT-ing.
28. Do you realize that you're ignoring a potential EGOT-er?
29. EGOTS are rare as HELL.
30. This may be a good time to remind you that she's Adele.
31. She says "hello" in a really cute and endearing way.
32. It sort of sounds like "hallo."
33. You probably don't know how she says "hallo."
34. Because you won't answer her call.
35. Have you heard "Hometown Glory"? That is a GOOD song.
36. How about "Turning Tables" or "Rolling in the Deep" or, like, all of the lyrical masterpieces she's bestowed upon us unworthy miscreants??
37. Also "Chasing Pavements."
38. She's got a lot of famous friends.
39. She likes Beyoncé.
40. She's probably friends with Beyoncé.
41. Adele and Beyoncé are like sisters.
42. Adele is a fashion icon.
43. Literally no one rocks an A-line dress like Adele.
44. Have you even SEEN the "Hello" video???
45. Don't you want to find out where she got that bomb ass coat?
46. And that manicure?!
47. And that FLIP PHONE.
48. This is a good time to remind you that flip phones are IN.
49. Adele's birthday is on Cinco de Mayo. Can you imagine that party?
50. That's amazing. Wow.
51. She'd probably sing at YOUR birthday. If you'd just answer the phone.
52. She'd probably sing at your cousin's bar mitzvah, too.
53. She definitely would.
54. Adele is, like, really nice.
55. And she's great at returning phone calls.
56. Literally, she's called a thousand times. That woman is persistent.
57. She could have something really important to tell you.
58. She's just magical.
59. She's Adele.
Share This Article
