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31 Tweets That Prove Kobe Bryant Is Totally Losing It

As the Lakers’ season rapidly unravels, Kobe Bryant has turned his young Twitter into a completely bizarre exercise in trying to seem like an actual human.

1. Here’s the tweet that kicked off the Kobe Bryant Twitter Experience. It was a perfect inaugural tweet: it acknowledged Kobe’s reputation as a borderline sociopath and created a bizarre signature hashtag.


The antisocial has become social #mambatweets— Kobe Bryant

2. From there, we went down the rabbit hole very quickly. Kobe quickly started using Twitter to basically psychoanalyze himself in public —


Thoughts of self doubt Am I done? Is this how my career will end?? I REFUSE to give in to these thoughts. #strongwill #countonchallenges— Kobe Bryant

3. — and to prove how hard he has been/is/will be working.


Acupuncture therapy. Whatever it takes #mambatweets http://t.co/MExRxoYG— Kobe Bryant

4. I’m not exactly sure what this means.


Sunset view from yacht not yatch lol don’t skip college ha! http://t.co/Ay1tgWq6— Kobe Bryant

5. Here, he turns a Gandhi quote into bulletin-board material for crushing a basketball opponent.


“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will” Gandhi On to the next one. Keep focus.— Kobe Bryant

6. And here, he, teammate Dwight Howard, and coach Mike D’Antoni try to riff off reports of team tension. Instead, they just look confused, and the team continues to lose.

The mamba vs d12 !! It's on lol http://t.co/cZQO5Avf

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

The mamba vs d12 !! It’s on lol http://t.co/cZQO5Avf— Kobe Bryant

7. Kobe applauds other athletes for displaying the same insane aggressiveness that he does.

We just saw why bama will be bcs champs @10AJMcCarron and @barrettAjones not afraid to confront each other in order to win. #respect

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

We just saw why bama will be bcs champs @10AJMcCarron and @barrettAjones not afraid to confront each other in order to win. #respect— Kobe Bryant

8. Reminder: Kobe is intense. Did you know this? #mambatweets

Ready to sleep. I'm getting edgy already waiting for tomorrow's opportunity #mambatweets

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Ready to sleep. I’m getting edgy already waiting for tomorrow’s opportunity #mambatweets— Kobe Bryant

9. “I have to step outside of the this frustration. Good job, bro. Too bad we lost.”

I have to step outside of this frustration and say congrats to @SteveNash 10,000. Amazing accomplishment Wish we could have gotten u theW

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

I have to step outside of this frustration and say congrats to @SteveNash 10,000. Amazing accomplishment Wish we could have gotten u theW— Kobe Bryant

10. I’ll just let this sit here for a bit.

Goodnight/good luck kiss from my shorty rock. http://t.co/rudYpMkv

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Goodnight/good luck kiss from my shorty rock. http://t.co/rudYpMkv— Kobe Bryant

11. Why did he just @ Sarah Hyland? Ahhhhhhhh

Had a great day off relaxing on set with #ModernFamily won't be the last time I stop by @Sarah_Hyland way 2 many laughs! Thank you Fox

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Had a great day off relaxing on set with #ModernFamily won’t be the last time I stop by @Sarah_Hyland way 2 many laughs! Thank you Fox— Kobe Bryant

12. This is the point where Kobe starts what becomes a long-running Twitter joke of his: ice baths, and how much they suck, and how he does them all the time even though they suck.

Legs r sore Anyone out there,celebrity or not, care to try this sh*t? Tweet me a pic Misery loves company #assfrozen http://t.co/AkhWp5EK

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Legs r sore Anyone out there,celebrity or not, care to try this sh*t? Tweet me a pic Misery loves company #assfrozen http://t.co/AkhWp5EK— Kobe Bryant

13. LOL *you’re dead*

“@Msaleh14: @kobebryant Kobe I tried it. It's actually not as bad as I thought. http://t.co/ozp8ri1S” LOL

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

“@Msaleh14: @kobebryant Kobe I tried it. It’s actually not as bad as I thought. http://t.co/ozp8ri1S” LOL— Kobe Bryant

14. VANILLA ICE REFERENCE

“@teena_797: @kobebryant Ice, ice baby😀 #AssFrozen 💓💓⛄⛄ http://t.co/raajqphs” vanilla ice reference !

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

“@teena_797: @kobebryant Ice, ice baby😀 #AssFrozen 💓💓⛄⛄ http://t.co/raajqphs” vanilla ice reference !— Kobe Bryant

15. I don’t really understand what Kobe’s reaction means.

“@frankiep2096: @kobebryant u even inspired #MantiTeo girlfriend #Lenny #assfrozen lol http://t.co/Y4jXh5Dg” WOW. Really??

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

“@frankiep2096: @kobebryant u even inspired #MantiTeo girlfriend #Lenny #assfrozen lol http://t.co/Y4jXh5Dg” WOW. Really??— Kobe Bryant

16. “The tub of youth, which Juan Ponce de Leon obsessed over for years.”

The tub of youth is calling me tonight! Lol

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

The tub of youth is calling me tonight! Lol— Kobe Bryant

17. Poor dog.

“@blazin4lif3: @kobebryant #assfrozen got ice ? Lol http://t.co/MUyql6rc” ha! I love dogs!

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

“@blazin4lif3: @kobebryant #assfrozen got ice ? Lol http://t.co/MUyql6rc” ha! I love dogs!— Kobe Bryant

18. Kobe stamping a picture of him and his wife and Bill Clinton with @kobebryant = priceless.

Great event with President Clinton and @KVBFF for renovation of Step Up on Vine! http://t.co/jloJ95XE

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Great event with President Clinton and @KVBFF for renovation of Step Up on Vine! http://t.co/jloJ95XE— Kobe Bryant

19. Kobe stamping a picture of his daughter with @kobebryant = priceless-er.

Happy Birthday to our lil baby Natalia! 10 today :-) Where does the time go? http://t.co/txihiWaO

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Happy Birthday to our lil baby Natalia! 10 today :-) Where does the time go? http://t.co/txihiWaO— Kobe Bryant

20. Without Twitter, we’d have no idea that Kobe watches his daughter’s favorite movies when he’s on the road. For example, Pitch Perfect. #fatamy

Wish I was with my fam now for Nanis bday. I'm bout to watch her fav movie "pitch perfect" and rest up for the raptors tmr am #fatamy

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Wish I was with my fam now for Nanis bday. I’m bout to watch her fav movie “pitch perfect” and rest up for the raptors tmr am #fatamy— Kobe Bryant

21. And when Kobe likes a movie, he gets to tell the actors on Twitter that they rocked it.

“@ZareenAysha: “@RebelWilson: @kobebryant thanks Kobe, luv Fat Amy xx” "I'm gonna finish him like a cheesecake"" lol. You rocked that film

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

“@ZareenAysha: “@RebelWilson: @kobebryant thanks Kobe, luv Fat Amy xx” “I’m gonna finish him like a cheesecake”” lol. You rocked that film— Kobe Bryant

22. Kobe then printed this tweet out and ate it.

“@MoneyMike4983: @kobebryant did you get cookies tonight?” Lol I love the trash talk bro :-) good one. Till the next time..

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

“@MoneyMike4983: @kobebryant did you get cookies tonight?” Lol I love the trash talk bro :-) good one. Till the next time..— Kobe Bryant

23. Congratulations, your doubts have been personally refuted by Kobe Bryant. Now stop doubting.

“@bballSource: @16to17 Welp, they're written in a voice that doesn't match my impression of him” yes it's me writing. Bad grammar n all

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

“@bballSource: @16to17 Welp, they’re written in a voice that doesn’t match my impression of him” yes it’s me writing. Bad grammar n all— Kobe Bryant

24. Seeing Kobe trying to convince us that he has a sense of humor is worth the price of admission all on its own.

It's been real. Will check n with u all tmr. Taking my old ass to sleep lol #CountOnKobesnoring

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

It’s been real. Will check n with u all tmr. Taking my old ass to sleep lol #CountOnKobesnoring— Kobe Bryant

25. Here begins a nice run of Kobe trying to convince everyone that he feels anything after losing aside from searing, unquenchable anger.

Great game by James, wade and the heat. Tip my hat. We r getting better. Still plenty of work to do and puzzles to fit #keepfocus

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Great game by James, wade and the heat. Tip my hat. We r getting better. Still plenty of work to do and puzzles to fit #keepfocus— Kobe Bryant

26. Continued:

This one is on meCouldn't throw the ball in the ocean if I was sitting on a boat. Had plenty of easy looks#noexcuses gotta get my legs back

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

This one is on meCouldn’t throw the ball in the ocean if I was sitting on a boat. Had plenty of easy looks#noexcuses gotta get my legs back— Kobe Bryant

27. Continued, plus a picture of a literal brick wall #metaphors:

No one is more critical of my game then me. #brickcity past few games but they will fall and we will win #countonit http://t.co/K7R6W1MO

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

No one is more critical of my game then me. #brickcity past few games but they will fall and we will win #countonit http://t.co/K7R6W1MO— Kobe Bryant

28. Now shut up.

“@tlahoopin24: Lakers r only 2 & 1/2 games back from the 8th spot. Buh we gotta start winning games @kobebryant” we will.

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

“@tlahoopin24: Lakers r only 2 & 1/2 games back from the 8th spot. Buh we gotta start winning games @kobebryant” we will.— Kobe Bryant

29. I mean… these hashtags. THESE HASHTAGS.

I have 2 tix for tonight's game in Chicago. Any interest? Btw they are lower bowl seats #countonkobegivingtickets

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

I have 2 tix for tonight’s game in Chicago. Any interest? Btw they are lower bowl seats #countonkobegivingtickets— Kobe Bryant

30. Hi, I’m Kobe Bryant.

Lets get it. http://t.co/Ifyg7pX5

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Lets get it. http://t.co/Ifyg7pX5— Kobe Bryant

31. And: scene.

Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata calms me down when I reach my breaking point #relaxandfocus http://t.co/i2imK51p

— kobebryant (@Kobe Bryant)

Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata calms me down when I reach my breaking point #relaxandfocus http://t.co/i2imK51p— Kobe Bryant

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