31 Tweets That Prove Kobe Bryant Is Totally Losing It

As the Lakers’ season rapidly unravels, Kobe Bryant has turned his young Twitter into a completely bizarre exercise in trying to seem like an actual human.

1. Here’s the tweet that kicked off the Kobe Bryant Twitter Experience. It was a perfect inaugural tweet: it acknowledged Kobe’s reputation as a borderline sociopath and created a bizarre signature hashtag.

2. From there, we went down the rabbit hole very quickly. Kobe quickly started using Twitter to basically psychoanalyze himself in public —

3. — and to prove how hard he has been/is/will be working.

4. I’m not exactly sure what this means.

5. Here, he turns a Gandhi quote into bulletin-board material for crushing a basketball opponent.

6. And here, he, teammate Dwight Howard, and coach Mike D’Antoni try to riff off reports of team tension. Instead, they just look confused, and the team continues to lose.

7. Kobe applauds other athletes for displaying the same insane aggressiveness that he does.

8. Reminder: Kobe is intense. Did you know this? #mambatweets

9. “I have to step outside of the this frustration. Good job, bro. Too bad we lost.”

10. I’ll just let this sit here for a bit.

11. Why did he just @ Sarah Hyland? Ahhhhhhhh

12. This is the point where Kobe starts what becomes a long-running Twitter joke of his: ice baths, and how much they suck, and how he does them all the time even though they suck.

13. LOL *you’re dead*


15. I don’t really understand what Kobe’s reaction means.

16. “The tub of youth, which Juan Ponce de Leon obsessed over for years.”

17. Poor dog.

18. Kobe stamping a picture of him and his wife and Bill Clinton with @kobebryant = priceless.

19. Kobe stamping a picture of his daughter with @kobebryant = priceless-er.

20. Without Twitter, we’d have no idea that Kobe watches his daughter’s favorite movies when he’s on the road. For example, Pitch Perfect. #fatamy

21. And when Kobe likes a movie, he gets to tell the actors on Twitter that they rocked it.

22. Kobe then printed this tweet out and ate it.

23. Congratulations, your doubts have been personally refuted by Kobe Bryant. Now stop doubting.

24. Seeing Kobe trying to convince us that he has a sense of humor is worth the price of admission all on its own.

25. Here begins a nice run of Kobe trying to convince everyone that he feels anything after losing aside from searing, unquenchable anger.

26. Continued:

27. Continued, plus a picture of a literal brick wall #metaphors:

28. Now shut up.

29. I mean… these hashtags. THESE HASHTAGS.

30. Hi, I’m Kobe Bryant.

31. And: scene.

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