1. Damn. It.
2. I thought I already got my period this month.
3. I guess I should keep better track of this.
4. Should I start marking it on my calendar?
5. Do people really do that?
6. This explains why I was breaking out so bad this week.
7. And why I’m SO bloated.
8. These jeans won’t even button.
9. Maybe I should just wear leggings.
10. But then you can see my underwear line.
11. Can everyone see my panty line?
12. I hope no one can see my panty line.
13. Do I really have to go to work today?
14. Ugh, I still have to go to work.
15. If men got their periods, everyone would get a few days off every month.
16. Or we’d at least work from home.
17. Maybe I should try to work from home.
18. God damn it, men will never know what this feels like.
19. And women go through this every month so we can experience the joys of childbirth.
20. And then we’ll have more kids that turn into men who still can never understand what we go through.
21. My kids better be cute after all this.
22. OMG cramps.
23. My stomach is making sounds I’ve never heard before.
24. I wish my stomach was separate from my body.
25. THIS IS WHAT DEATH MUST FEEL LIKE.
26. WHERE IS MY MIDOL?
27. OMG cramps.
28. Maybe Tylenol will do…?
29. Nope, I need to go get some Midol.
30. OMG cramps.
31. Ahhh, you magic blue pill, what would I do without you?
32. I don’t want to buy a chocolate bar and turn into a stereotype but damn it I really want chocolate.
33. I’m going to buy the chocolate.
34. I do not regret this decision.
35. Crap, I don’t have any more tampons.
36. Maybe I can ask my co-worker for a tampon.
37. Do we know each other well enough for that?
38. Guess there’s only one way to find out.
39. Luckily for me, we know each other well enough to ask for tampons.
40. Can I walk to the bathroom without everyone wondering why I have my whole purse with me?
41. Nope, now everyone knows I have my period.
42. But there’s actually nothing to be ashamed of.
43. YOU HEAR ME WORLD? I’M NOT ASHAMED OF MY PERIOD.
44. How long is too long to leave my tampon in for?
45. Can I sleep an entire night with it in and not get TSS?
46. HOW LONG IS TOO LONG?
47. I should probably cancel my date tonight.
48. What if they end up wanting to take me home?
49. And what if I make a mess all over their sheets?
50. Just can’t take the risk.
51. But I can’t say, “I can’t go out with you because I have my period.”
52. Ugh, what’s the big deal anyway?
53. Periods are the worst.
54. When will this be over?
55. Being a woman is the worst.
56. I always wish I was a dude when this happens.
57. JK what am I even saying? Of course I’m glad I’m not a guy.
58. But it’d still be REALLY nice not to get my period.
59. Maybe menopause won’t be so bad.
60. Oh well, at least I’m not pregnant.
61. At least there’s that.
62. So much for small victories.