1. Being so amazed that you’re actually standing in them that you then stupidly waste 20 minutes of your stamina dancing around in them AT HOME.
“This is fun!” — Present You, being a total dick to Future You.
2. Leaving your house without any flats to change into, because you think it will be “totally fine.”
It will be FINE.
4. When your feet hurt at work, and you walk like a kid who is pretending to play dress up.
“Hello, fellow co-worker, how is business stuff — aaaaaaaand I just stumbled into your crotch.”
5. When the heel decides to break off your shoe.
6. When your heels are so high that you look like a person who has never actually seen a human walk before.
7. When the balls of your feet start to burn, and everyone starts to wonder if you have to pee.
Because of course you forgot to put insoles in your damn shoes.
8. When you wear peep toes or sling backs, and you realize this means the world will see your gross feet.
9. When you get your heel caught in a freaking grate.
10. When you have to decide being between comfy in flats or foxy in heels.
12. When you’re NOT EVEN MOVING, and yet somehow still manage to fall.
Your body in heels is like a building that is not up to code: it could collapse at any minute.
13. When you put on a new pair of heels for a big outing without breaking them in first.
14. When the only way to look cool in your heels is to sit down.
As long as I am seated, no one will know that I am clumsy as hell.
15. When you’re stuck in your seat at the bar because getting up means losing that seat.
And God help you if you lose your seat.
16. When you’re so desperate for a place to sit down at a bar that you end up just hiding out in the bathroom.
17. When the Band-Aids you put over your blisters start to come off.
Every step is now agony, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, BAND-AIDS?
18. Being torn between keeping your heels on and having really, really dirty feet.
How drunk do I have to be in order for this not to be gross?
19. When you get hammered and decide to just take off your shoes anyway.
Ugh, I’m really sorry about this, Future Me. :(
20. When you think, “Oh, I’ll just take a shortcut through the grass!”
21. When your beloved pets get ahold of your expensive shoes.
NOOOOOOO well, I guess this means this shoe will never hurt me again.
22. When you FINALLY take your heels off for a break… and then make the mistake of putting them back on.
Why are my feet somehow two times as big and four times as painful as they were before?