1. You have no idea how anyone has the coordination for a cat eye.
HOW CAN YOU REALLY SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING IF YOU HAVE TO CLOSE YOUR EYES?
2. And being able to put liquid eyeliner on evenly is completely out of the question.
3. When you see a contouring tutorial like this:
You always end up looking like this:
Like you are in an impressionist painting.
4. Your idea of “blending” eye shadows is just to put one on top of the other.
Is my eye smoky yet, or what? Isn’t this what you’re supposed to do two eye shadow colors?!
6. When you think you’ve bought the right lipstick shade, until you take it home and actually put it on:
7. When you get done doing your mascara, and you are all like:
Oh no, that’s OK, eye makeup, there’s no way that YOU COULD HAVE PREDICTED MY NEEDING TO BLINK.
8. Whenever you try to match your foundation, and you forget that it’s winter now:
It’s the foundation to all of your problems.
9. And just forget matching your foundation to your neck.
What do you even do when your neck is a different color than your face?!
10. You know better than to even attempt to put on makeup after you’ve put on clothes.
11. Every time you try to put on powder, it’s like an apocalyptic explosion.
12. When you try to blend your eye shadow with your fingers, and then you forget and touch your face:
13. If you have ever worn fake eyelashes, you ended up looking like a crazy person about halfway through the night.
Look, I’m not an elementary school teacher, I don’t work with glue on the regular.
14. For you, blush only seems to come in two amounts: “can’t see it at all” and “I’m about to perform in a ballet recital.”
15. When you try to “fill in your eyebrows” you end up looking like you are wearing a disguise.
16. You are almost 100% sure that lip liner is a trap designed to make you look ridiculous.
Why does lip liner always last longer than lipstick? Why don’t they make lipstick out of the lip liner?!
17. To you, “concealer” means “a substance that you eventually end up smearing all over your damn face.”
18. The only highlighters that you can use correctly are the yellow ones you use in school.
19. That goes double for “makeup primer.”
Is this a scam? This feels like a scam.
20. Even if you get the lipstick off your teeth, the lipstick STILL finds a way to get back on your teeth!
Stop trying to be food, lipstick.