6 Ways To Ask Someone If They’re Pregnant

A fool proof guidebook by Burt Macklin, FBI. Spoilers for this week’s Parks and Rec .

1. The Verbal Gymnast.

Confuse them with you magnificent non sequiturs until they admit they’re pregnant.

ID: 1134595

2. The Rocket Scientist.

Hit ‘em with those advanced maths until they realize you’re describing a SECOND HUMAN THAT’S GROWING INSIDE OF THEM.

ID: 1134598

3. The Assembly Interruptus.

Dramatic. Direct. Forced into honesty by the judgement of the crowd before them.

ID: 1134610

4. The Beginning of the End (of Humanity).

Gently, tenderly, and with pity is the way to go with this one.

ID: 1134627

Because they already know that there’s no containing the blast zone.

ID: 1134631

5. The Sneak Attack Hug of Joy.

The most fun of all the options because you get to lift a human being in the air. But apparently that’s bad for pregnant ladies, so don’t.

ID: 1134634

6. The Silent Gasp.

Because you’re a crack FBI agent and you’ve solved the case without even needing to ask a single question.

ID: 1134639

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