6 Ways To Ask Someone If They’re Pregnant

A fool proof guidebook by Burt Macklin, FBI. Spoilers for this week’s Parks and Rec . posted on

1. The Verbal Gymnast.

Confuse them with you magnificent non sequiturs until they admit they’re pregnant.

2. The Rocket Scientist.

Hit ‘em with those advanced maths until they realize you’re describing a SECOND HUMAN THAT’S GROWING INSIDE OF THEM.

3. The Assembly Interruptus.

Dramatic. Direct. Forced into honesty by the judgement of the crowd before them.

4. The Beginning of the End (of Humanity).

Gently, tenderly, and with pity is the way to go with this one.

Because they already know that there’s no containing the blast zone.

5. The Sneak Attack Hug of Joy.

The most fun of all the options because you get to lift a human being in the air. But apparently that’s bad for pregnant ladies, so don’t.

6. The Silent Gasp.

Because you’re a crack FBI agent and you’ve solved the case without even needing to ask a single question.

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