1. Does an old white man use the word nubile?
You're right. The world DOES need another novel about an aging English professor's affair with a nubile young co-ed.
2. Is there non-corporeal sex?
Kill your darlings, then immediately bring them back as vampire sex ghosts.
3. Is it soundtracked to the early 2000's?
This chapter is missing something. Try adding an epigraph. Maybe some Matchbox 20 lyrics.
4. Is it titled Aryan Pride and Prejudice?
You know what no one has mashed up with Jane Austen yet? Nazis!
5. Is your strong female protagonist plain and homely, yet mysteriously eye-catching anyway?
If a character has curves, make sure to specify that they are in all the right places. Otherwise, readers will be confused.
6. Is your strong female protagonist the only female anything?
Have you mentioned in this chapter that your protagonist is not like other girls? You should make sure to do that.
7. Does it have TWICE the exposition?
Retrograde amnesia.
8. Is anything the exact shade of ~fanfiction blue~ ?
It'd go over great if your narrator looked in the mirror and compared their own eyes to a really specific body of water.
9. Is there love in the wrong place?
Corgis are hot these days, right? What about, like, werecorgis? Edgy, urban werecorgis looking for love in all the wrong places.
10. Is it too real for even Wolverine?
Like Wolverine, but grittier.
11. Is a young Zooey Deschanel your dreamcasting for this character?
What if she has a charmingly quirky hobby, like tatting or butoh?
12. Is your protag named Mary Sue? Or Gary Stu?
You SHOULD base your protagonist on you. Disguise him by giving him really intense green eyes and an ancestral weapon. You don't have those!
13. Did True Blood already do it?
Go ahead. Make him a vampire. Make them ALL vampires.
14. Are there white people?
White people.
#ff @WorstMuse, they are here to help. @WorstMuse is written by Rachel Ediden.
I am here to help.