Never Forget That Star Trek Perfumes Were A Thing

“Set phasers to stunning.”

1. Break in case you want to be transported to a world of sensual discovery.

“TIBERIUS Cologne for men is a casual yet commanding cologne spiked with freshness and sensuality. Citron, black pepper, and cedar create refreshingly clear top notes, layered over warm vanilla, white musk and sandalwood base notes. TIBERIUS Cologne for men is difficult to define and impossible to refuse. In any universe. Inspired by legend, take TIBERIUS on your next mission and be transported to new worlds of sensual discovery. Boldly go.”

2. For the above sensual discovery minus a shirt.

There’s no official Amazon product description for this, so we’ll just leave this customer review here:

“I learned so much from this perfume. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it has made me a woman. As soon as I dabbed it on my boyfriend’s muscular yet oddly potbellied body, he was transformed from a pale sci fi geek into a stuttering sex god. The perfume smells like a very sexy block of cheese, with undertones of polyester and charm. True, my boyfriend now rips off his shirt more frequently than Jacob Black and gives speeches about human inventiveness and nobility. However, that’s a small price to pay for a man drenched in the stench of alien chick sweat, tribble dander and unbridled optimism, wouldn’t you say?”

3. For the man that wants a cologne that dives into his soul.

“SULU for men is the perfect cologne for the man who does everything, whether that’s cataloging exotic plants, collecting antique firearms, or piloting ancient helicopters and advanced starships. It’s more than just choosing to live your life with style; SULU dives straight to the soul and allows you to release your own Intergalactic Man of Mystery. That jaunty, fearless swashbuckler of a man who, whether he’s wielding a rapier in a swordfight or commanding the helm of a Constitution-class starship-is always ready for action.”

4. Attention ladies: Here’s that bottle of VULCAN PHEROMONES you’ve been desperately clamoring for.

“Pon Farr Perfume for women is a refreshing fragrance that is both invigorating and dramatic with light, clean top notes of citrus, black currant, lotus blossom and water lily. And with base notes from sandalwood, peach and mulberry, Pon Farr is perfect for those bright sunny days and warm summer nights spent together at the beach, around the fire or simply watching your favorite affaire d’honneur. Sharp and aggressive, simple yet exotic.”

5. …………..

“Red Shirt Cologne instills confidence, showing the universe your strength, your valor, your devotion to living each day as though it could be your last. Bright, clean, and direct with top notes of green mandarin, bergamot and a hint of lavender, Red Shirt finishes strong with base notes of leather and grey musk. It’s a daring men’s fragrance for those brave enough to place no trust in tomorrow.”

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