1. Dear Lampreys, this officially too many teeth.
MO: This horrific eel hooks onto a victim with their insane monster teeth while said prey is swimming and defenseless.
Likeliness to hunt humans: Only if starved.
2. Do not let Vampire Finches fool you with their cuteness.
MO: They pick open the healing wounds of other birds, mostly seagulls. And even crazier, their prey usually doesn’t fight back.
Likeliness to hunt humans: Unless you’re a bird on the Galapagos Islands, you’re safe.
3. The Candirú is the reason you should never pee in the Amazon.
MO: This parasitic catfish SWIMS INTO IT’S PREY’S GILLS AND DEVOURS THEM FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
Likeliness to hunt humans: Rare, BUT in 1997 a Candirú swam up a local man’s urine stream and into his urethra, where it tried to feed on blood and tissue before it died. Doctors surgically removed the 6 in dead Candirú and the man made a full recovery.
4. This is a Kissing Bug, named for it’s propensity to bite faces.
MO: THEY BITE YOUR FACE OFF IN YOUR SLEEP.
Likeliness to hunt humans: High, especially if you live in Arizona or Texas. Bonus! They spread Chagas disease and their bites have been know to cause allergic reactions including swollen-shut eyes, blistered skin, breathing difficulties and even seizures.
5. The Hood Mockingbird learned it’s best moves from the formidable Vampire Finch.
MO: These wound pecking scavengers are similar to Vampire Finches only more aggressive and unafraid of humans.
Likeliness to hunt humans: In all honesty they’re way more likely to be more interested in your water bottle than your blood.
6. Vampire Moths are real and coming to get you.
MO: Using what is basically a genetically evolved straw (called a proboscis) to snack on the blood of vertebrates.
Likeliness to hunt humans: They will 100% feed on you, and good news! They’re moving further and further north from their native habitats in Malaysia and Southern Europe, so they’ll be most likely coming to soon to a neighborhood near you.
7. Look into the demon eyes of this creature called an Oxpecker.
MO: Much like their fellow wound feasting bird friends, Oxpeckers prey on the backs of large mammals like cattle.
Likeliness to hunt humans: Humans are too small time for Oxpeckers.
8. Even this seemingly chill Cooper’s Nutmeg snail is out for blood.
MO: The Cooper’s Nutmeg hunts electric rays and makes small cuts to drink out of, but will also utilize gill slits to feed out of.
Likeliness to hunt humans: You’re good as long as you’re not an electric ray.
9. And finally the Madrilenial Butterfly. Which was literally birthed in hell.
MO: IT’S A BUTTERFLY THAT DRINKS BLOOD. FROM FRESH CORPSES.
Likeliness to hunt humans: Unlikely (if you’re alive) in real life. But definitely in the nightmares you’ll have tonight.
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