10 Ways To Seduce Jess Day

If you’re Nick Miller that is. Spoilers for this week’s New Girl episode.

1. Take your job seriously.

Apparently Nick takes bar-tending seriously now? And said serious responsibilities seriously turn Jess on.

And you will get day-dreaming, lip-biting gazes.

2. Know how to do your laundry.

There’s a separate compartment for the soap u guise!

3. And mention it’s natural corollary.

And you will get a starring role in dirty thoughts AND shame filled rage.

4. Compliment an average, everyday outfit.

A very, very, very plain and normal dress compared to Jess Day’s usual affinity for flair. (Still obviously stunning though).

And the lust running (away) will commence.

5. Gently remove fallen eyelashes.

And you will get putty in your hands.

SWOON.

6. Mention that you might actually take care of yourself.

Apparently Nick’s also eating salad now? As an entire meal?

And you will get the Lord’s name in vain.

AKA FRUSTRATION.

7. Pull chain manfully in a hardware store.

Nope, not a euphemism.

And you will get an actual A/C fueled mandatory cool down.

8. Have a bubble belly.

And you will get an epic declaration of, er, lust?

9. DO NOT introduce her as a ‘room friend’ to the girl you’re sleeping with.

Who you failed to mention you were sleeping with.

Bad. Job. Miller.

Because you will get a genuinely pissed off walk away.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

10. But when all else fails: Just lay it all on the line.

Woah. Whoa. Woah.

Because you will probably get a very sincere answer.

A very nice, sincere answer.

Don’t be concerned if the nice part of that goes away quickly though.

Like really quickly.

Just remember,

If you accidentally ruin everything anyway.

There’s always still hope.

Bonus! MOST ATTRACTIVE NICK MILLER MOMENT OF THE NIGHT.

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