10 Ways To Seduce Jess Day

If you’re Nick Miller that is. Spoilers for this week’s New Girl episode.

1. Take your job seriously.

Apparently Nick takes bar-tending seriously now? And said serious responsibilities seriously turn Jess on.

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And you will get day-dreaming, lip-biting gazes.

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2. Know how to do your laundry.

There’s a separate compartment for the soap u guise!

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3. And mention it’s natural corollary.

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And you will get a starring role in dirty thoughts AND shame filled rage.

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4. Compliment an average, everyday outfit.

A very, very, very plain and normal dress compared to Jess Day’s usual affinity for flair. (Still obviously stunning though).

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And the lust running (away) will commence.

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5. Gently remove fallen eyelashes.

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And you will get putty in your hands.


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6. Mention that you might actually take care of yourself.

Apparently Nick’s also eating salad now? As an entire meal?

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And you will get the Lord’s name in vain.


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7. Pull chain manfully in a hardware store.

Nope, not a euphemism.

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And you will get an actual A/C fueled mandatory cool down.

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8. Have a bubble belly.

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And you will get an epic declaration of, er, lust?

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9. DO NOT introduce her as a ‘room friend’ to the girl you’re sleeping with.

Who you failed to mention you were sleeping with.

Bad. Job. Miller.

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Because you will get a genuinely pissed off walk away.


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10. But when all else fails: Just lay it all on the line.

Woah. Whoa. Woah.

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Because you will probably get a very sincere answer.

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A very nice, sincere answer.

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Don’t be concerned if the nice part of that goes away quickly though.

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Like really quickly.

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Just remember,

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If you accidentally ruin everything anyway.

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There’s always still hope.

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