7 Criminally Dangerous Food Mascots

Chief Big Mac has issued a warrant for the arrest of the following food mascots. Suspects are armed, dangerous, and possibly delicious.

7. Sonny the Cuckoo Bird

Crime: Mayhem — including blasting off into space — due to insanity caused by a bowl of cereal.

6. The Noid

Crime: Creating mischief; ruining pizza; causing insanity (see Kenneth Lamar Noid).

5. Punchy

Crime: Assault under the pretense of offering a glass of Hawaiian Punch.

4. Kool-Aid Man

Crime: Property damage; first degree murder (against Thirsties).

3. The Jolly Green Giant

Crime: Property damage and personal injury due to stepping on things; indecent exposure.

2. The Hamburglar

Crime: Theft (against humans); genocide (against hamburgers).

1. The Kid on the Farina Box

Crime: Cannibalism (Farina actually refers to the original member of Our Gang).

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