1. You’re in the mood for some Mario Kart awesomeness.
2. “This is going to be the best night ever,” you decide.
3. You sit down to play, and you are all like:
4. You pick out your character and your vehicle, and you are so ready.
5. Things are off to a good start when you get right out in first place at the beginning of your first race.
6. Then you get hit with one of your own green shells and you are just like:
7. Falling off of Rainbow Road a dozen times in a row is inevitable.
“This level was designed by the devil incarnate,” you think to yourself.
8. Many races in, you finally get ahead of that really annoying person you’ve been stuck with for the past half hour.
9. But you get hit with a blue shell in the third lap.
10. Then you accidentally hit your significant other with a red shell. No sense trying to hide it.
11. At some point you manage to get in first place against some really good people.
12. But, like all good things, the winning streak doesn’t last long.
13. Later, things do a complete 180 when you get in last place against some really awful people.
14. At some point you get a banana in last place and curse the Item Box gods.
15. You revel in some really good shell hits and banana placements, but still only wind up in fourth place.
16. You realize the agony of defeat would be easier to take with a few drinks in you.
18. When you are sufficiently tipsy, you play much better.
At least it seems that way.