1. Wake up and blast your favorite song because maybe today won’t be that bad.
2. Tell your friends that you hate your birthday, while secretly hoping that they plan something amazing like a dinner with everyone you love, which magically turns into a cuddle party, or you know, getting wasted, whatever you’re into.
3. But don’t get too excited.
You haven’t had a good birthday ever since that boy ruined the magician’s trick at your 7th birthday party and made you stop believing in magic or love or happiness.
5. Discreetly cry at work when everyone forgets what day it is because your birthday falls on a weekday.
Send your weekly work email with a not so subtle picture as a reminder that they should be celebrating your existence. If you’re lucky, they’ll give you wine at the end of the day.
6. Think about that one time when your mother said that she hadn’t planned on having children.
7. Go home and watch the saddest scene from the saddest movie. You know, the scene where you think Shadow is going to die in Homeward Bound.
8. Think about what your boyfriend or girlfriend would have gotten you as a gift. Go online and buy a body pillow.
9. Listen to your voicemails and conclude that people may actually love you, but feel weird about it.
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